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2022.01.22 20:46 ImpossibleAttempt430 Having Trouble Integrating and Using Repressed Aggression

Hello to any and all who may be able to relate or help with this problem. To briefly summarize; I am 24 years old and I hold a blackbelt in taekwondo. I trained for 4 years without the intention of doing anything in taekwondo until I came across Carl Jung's work on incorporating the shadow. Since then I have tried to compete seriously in taekwondo sparring competitions to integrate my "temper"/"aggression"/"anger" and learn to use it productively. (Note, competitive taekwondo is a full-contact sport like boxing where we kick to the head + body to score points and/or win by knockout). However, things are not going well, as during competitions I am frequently overwhelmed with feaanxiety/nerves, I frequently self-sabotage, I can't seem to call up any sort of aggression or competitive spirit and I end up losing very badly quite often despite being technically a very skilled fighter. I need help.
Background:
Growing up in school I was seemingly always getting in trouble with authority and I frequently lashed out at teachers, babysitters, and my parents. Early on I was told as a child very frequently that I have a temper and it was very harshly corrected with numerous punishments ranging from typical yelling all the way to my father hitting me at times (Ironically enough he has a pretty unpredictable temper himself). In my household it was a type of "children should be seen and not heard" setting where any real challenge to authority was received with a mostly punishment. Most school teachers also took similar approaches as my parents.
As I grew up, this trait was heavily banished into my shadow as all it did was get me hurt and into trouble with authority, so I turned into a kind of people pleaser in my late teens. As of today, I have been an independent adult since 20 with very heavy people-pleasing tendencies, I frequently find myself trying to look weak or submissive to avoid confrontation, I have medium-level social anxiety and I have fairly high performance anxiety.
I fully realize the value of being assertive at times, learning to use aggression to fuel your aspirations, and incorporating anger productively as a source of power. However anytime I try to let myself be aggressive or assertive even in competition, it's like my unconscious mind stops me in my tracks and makes me act harmless and weak to avoid any type of negative repercussions that I suffered as a child.
Does anybody have an idea of practical steps that I can begin taking or additional resources to investigate so that I can finally overcome this internal struggle and learn to use my repressed temper productively?
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2022.01.22 20:46 OrwellWasRight69 On The Left’s ‘Our Democracy™’

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2022.01.22 20:46 AliEvans "The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity." -W.B Yeats

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2022.01.22 20:46 BrucePhilis Name of game

Does anybody remember a game where you were this kid on a side scrolling platform type deal and you had to zap these shadows with some kind of electricity gun (my memory may be well off here). Probably circa 1997. Maybe it involved a pet dog?? Idk
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2022.01.22 20:46 curlybird88 DNP application for 2022

Has anyone applied for a Doctorate of nursing practice this year? I'm looking for tips on the online essay portion. Has anyone done this before?
I also posted a conversation topic on All nurses
https://allnurses.com/university-washington-dnp-application-t741003/
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2022.01.22 20:46 AliEvans "We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality." - Seneca

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2022.01.22 20:46 bluethecoloris Gavin Williamson tied new school funding to party vote, says Tory defector

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One thing I wish, is when I visit islands and see a nice wall/floor, I can't always remember if I own it already or not. Is there an app I can track that with so I'm not buying duplicates?
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