2022.01.28 06:17 Not_no_hitter Hm yes, I to remember when racists who hate black people were the same as women who who don’t want to take on the responsibility of taking care of a child for 18 years
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2022.01.28 06:17 nzxnnn [For hire] illustrations, backgrounds, environments. Dm if interested. Portfolio in the comments
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2022.01.28 06:17 SlapmyFace GHK G5 Conversion kits in germany / EU?
I've been searching for the kits so hard and can't find any. German stores (Kotte Zeller, Softairwelt) have no mention of them and the only place where i can actually purchase it is samoon, which double the price due to shipping and also want my tax id which is unusual.
The g5 gbbr would be perfect for me if not for it's ... Lack in length. Anybody got tips?
submitted by SlapmyFace to airsoft [link] [comments]
2022.01.28 06:17 SpookSkywatcher German Space Surveillance Resources
Germany, through its "Deutsches Zentrum für Luft- und Raumfahrt" (DLR) German Aerospace Center, is responsible for hosting the European Union Space Surveillance and Tracking Service (EU SST) database and generating an EU SST Catalogue of space objects. While a critical role, as of July 2020, Germany also has a Weltraumkommando der Bundeswehr (WRKdoBw) Space Command managing its own formidable space surveillance resources.
Radar Space Surveillance Resources:
The Fraunhofer Institute for High Frequency Physics and Radar Techniques (Fraunhofer-Institut für Hochfrequenzphysik und Radartechnik, FHR), is the developer of two space surveillance radars, TIRA (Tracking and Imaging Radar) and GESTRA (German Experimental Space Surveillance and Tracking Radar) for the German Aerospace Center (Deutsches Zentrum für Luft- und Raumfahrt; DLR).
TIRA operates at two transmission frequencies, 1.333 GHz L-band and 16.7 GHz Ku-band. It has a huge 34 m aperture, 240 ton, gimbaled Cassegrain dish antenna that would look quite at home on the Death Star, and yet is capable of swinging 24 deg/sec in azimuth and 6 deg/sec in elevation, an agility necessary for tracking objects in LEO.
The narrow-band coherent pulsed (30 Hz PRF) L-band radar is used for precise tracking (3 m positional accuracy at 1000 km) for orbit determination and is capable of detecting a 2 cm sphere at 1000 km. It can operate on its own or provide the tracking required by the wideband Ku-band Inverse Synthetic Aperture Radar (ISAR) portion which is capable of better than 20 cm resolution imagery of LEO objects. . A future upgrade is to increase the imaging radar frequency for higher resolution. Sample TIRA ISAR images of the Tiangong-1 space station shortly before reentry are at https://www.nasaspaceflight.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/2018-04-01-173152.jpg and https://cbsnews1.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/2018/03/31/03fef570-f0ab-4816-9da7-3df1b2f163bb/tiangong-ap-18088394762534.jpg .
GESTRA ( https://directory.eoportal.org/web/eoportal/satellite-missions/g/gestra ) is a quasi-monostatic (transmitter and receiver are in separate 18 m x 4 m x 4 m transportable shelters at least 100 m apart to avoid receiver saturation) pulsed phased array L-band (~1.3 GHz) radar for detection and tracking of objects between 300 and 3000 km in altitude. The modular 256 active element (each module with an individual patch antenna) transmit and receive arrays are mounted on round 2.8 m dia. 3-axis platforms mechanically steered for efficient operation in any region of the sky and rotated for preferred polarization in linear polarization mode.
Transmit array pulse peak power is 256 kW, with a 64 kW mean. Arrays have 39 dB antenna gain with pencil beam 3dB beamwidth of 6.5 deg. at the highest frequency. Multiple receiver beams may be combined to cover the transmitter illuminated volume of space. Electronic multi-beam forming and steering (+/- 45 deg in both azimuth and elevation) provide high beam agility (areas of sky scanned in milliseconds) and operational mode flexibility. These modes include search (rapidly sweeping the beam to form a "space fence" detection plane), track (though orbital location cueing is required for initial acquisition), and track-while-scan (beams can be dedicated to track individual objects while the remainder continue scanning). System angular accuracy is 0.6 deg. or better and range accuracy 8 m or better. A second separate receiver is in development for the European Space Surveillance and Tracking (EUSST) project, apparently to create a long baseline coherent network for higher resolution.
The system, which is now on Schmidtenhöhe army training grounds in Koblenz, is remotely controlled by the German Space Situational Awareness Command (GSSAC) in Uedem, Germany.
Telescopes and Camera Space Surveillance Resources:
In July 2020 the DLR began construction of the Multi-Spectral Large Aperture Receiver Telescope (MS-LART) in a controlled access industrial research park in Empfingen, Germany. MS-LART is designed for LEO space surveillance and is an f/6, 1.75 m aperture, Ritchey-Chrétien Nasmyth design with four Nasmyth focus instrumentation ports ( https://www.astrosysteme.com/en-us/products/asa-az1750/ ). A separate 400 mm f/2.4 astrograph ( https://www.astrosysteme.com/en-us/products/asa-h400/ ) is mounted piggyback to document the observed area of sky with a wide field of view. MS-LART has two modes of operation. In passive mode it is strictly a space surveillance telescope observing satellites by reflected sunlight in the visible (including spectrographically) and near-IR. In active mode it is part of a lidar system discussed below.
In 2021 the observatory was completed and the telescope installed. Observations are to begin in 2022. ( https://conference.sdo.esoc.esa.int/proceedings/sdc8/pape79/SDC8-paper79.pdf ).
The DLR's Autonomous Passive Optical Staring Of LEO Flying Objects (APPARILLO, a word meaning "contraption") system is a proof of concept demonstrator of a high performance, compact, weatherproof. autonomously operating, comparatively low cost commercial-off-the-shelf (COTS) component based, LEO satellite detection and tracking camera ( https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12567-021-00380-6 ). It is designed to autonomously detect LEO objects and calculate their track angles across the sensor. These are combined with sensor line of sight from star field astrometric calibration and sensor geodetic coordinates from GPS to provide equatorial coordinates in Tracking Data Message (TDM) format ( https://public.ccsds.org/Lists/CCSDS%205030P11/503x0p11.pdf ) accurate enough for orbit calculations to cue SLR systems. It is a precursor to future DLR "Stare and Chase" camera systems that will automatically provide initial orbit determination (IOD) predictions to networked tracking and SLR systems for object detection, tracking, and ranging during a single orbit. No information was provided on future uses for APPARILLO, nor a timeline for the follow-on German "Stare and Chase" systems.
APPARILLO has a 10 deg FOV and low noise astronomical camera CCD sensor capable of continuously monitoring the night sky for LEO objects. In Dec. 2020 tests it demonstrated detection of 36 objects/hour at twilight, with detection efficiency nearly 100% for object cross sections above 2.25 sq. meters, decreasing to 50% for cross sections between 1 and 2 sq. meters, and having a detectability limit of 0.1 sq. meter.
The camera used is the FLI Proline PL09000 with thermoelectrically cooled On Semi KAF-09000 3056 × 3056 pixels monochrome CCD sensor ( http://www.flicamera.com/spec\_sheets/archive/PL09000.pdf ). The shutter is mechanical with over 50 ms actuation times and the sensor readout rate is 8 MHz through a USB 2.0 interface, both factors limiting minimum exposure time and maximum frame rate. The lens is a common Canon EF 200 mm f/2 telephoto with 100 mm aperture and 10.4 deg. minimum FOV. The camera is mounted in a weatherproof enclosure capable of rotation to 90 deg. below or above the horizon. No azimuth rotation capability was provided (other than rotating the entire system), and during testing the camera was aimed straight up.
An Adafruit Ultimate GPS receiver ( https://www.adafruit.com/product/746 ) and Arduino microcontroller board provides GPS UTC time tagging of camera frames with 100 microsecond precision.
A Boltwood Cloud Sensor II (https://diffractionlimited.com/product/boltwood-cloud-sensor-ii/ ) determines if the sky is sufficiently clear of clouds, there is no precipitation, and there is an adequate level of darkness. that valid observations can be made. If that is true and the time of day is correct for twilight or night observations, the camera will be rotated from the downward stowed position towards the sky and enabled to acquire images. If weather conditions change for the worse or it is time for sunrise, imaging will cease and the camera head will again be pointed down in the safe position.
Lidar Space Surveillance Resources:
Lidar surveillance of orbiting space objects falls into two categories, the purely Satellite Laser Ranging (SLR) stations which require a target carrying retro-reflectors, and Space Debris Laser Ranging (SDLR) stations which have sufficient laser power and optical receiver sensitivity to range on a satellite or debris fragment surface return alone. In either case, cueing from other systems is required for initial target acquisition. Ranging of LEO targets to within millimeters is possible. SLR-only stations are probably not useful for UAP tracking, but are listed below for completeness.
The previously discussed MS-LART can operate in the near IR as a satellite / space debris laser ranging (SLR / SDLR) system using an eye-safe laser wavelength above 1,400 nm. Other specifications on the laser have not been found, but an Erbium-YAG laser at 1600 nm is likely.
Alongside the MS-LART observatory at Empfingen, is the DLR Surveillance, Tracking and Ranging (STAR-C) transportable LEO SLR system housed in a 20 ft. long shipping container with sliding roof ( https://www.hou.usra.edu/meetings/orbitaldebris2019/orbital2019papepdf/6203.pdf ).
As described in 2019, the laser was diode pumped Nd:YAG, lasing at 1064 nm, with 50 mJ/pulse 10 ns wide pulses at 1 kHz PRF for an average 50 W output power. It was mounted separate from the transmitting telescope, with the output conveyed to the 2" aperture scope through a Coudé path in the mount. It was planned to increase the transmitter aperture to 10 inches, which would lower the power density of the expanded beam (likely for safety concerns). The laser beam is a potential hazard to aviation, so air traffic was monitored during operation using a local thermal sky imager and air traffic control data. Because It was desired to operate the system entirely remotely in populated areas with aircraft possibly overhead, DLR is likely moving to an eye-safe laser Erbium-YAG laser at 1600 nm.
The ranging receiver is a 17" aperture Ritchey-Chrétien design telescope with an optical bandpass filter to reject ambient light and fiber-coupled InGaAs-SPAD (single-photon avalanche diode) detector feeding the received photon time-of-flight measurement system for range determination.
The International Laser Ranging Service (ILRS) provided precision satellite ranging for geodesy and conjunction (collision) probability assessment for approximately 100 satellites in 2019 ( https://ilrs.gsfc.nasa.gov/index.html ). Germany hosts two ILRS station sites actively fulfilling satellite ranging requests. Each has an associated tracking camera.
The Bundesamt für Kartographie und Geodäsie (BKG) Federal Agency for Cartography and Geodesy runs Geodetic Observatory Wettzell, in Koetzting, Germany, which hosts two SLR systems, designated "WLRS" and "SOSW". The WLRS laser transmitter and receiver share a 0.75m aperturea Coude afocal telescope with a polarizing transmit/receive switch. In normal SLR operation the AZ/EL mount will slew at up to 10 deg/s in azimuth and 5 deg/s in elevation. The CMOS tracking camera has a 0.05 deg FOV and can detect sources of magnitude 14 brightness.
The Nd:YAG laser can apparently operate with or without an amplifier section. With amplification the operating wavelength is 1064 nm with 10 ps wide pulses of 100 mJ energy at 20 Hz PRF. This can be frequency doubled to 532 nm with 50 mJ pulse energy. Without amplification the 1064 nm output is 10 ps wide pulses of 1.2 mJ energy at 500 Hz PRF. This can be frequency doubled to 532 nm with 0.2 mJ pulse energy. None of these modes is eye safe and air traffic must be monitored for potential hazard. WLRS is capable of ranging the moon (Apollo retro-reflector arrays) as well as satellites.
There are four possible laser receivers. The one for 1064 nm is a single-photon avalanche diode (SPAD). Those for 532 nm include a SPAD, a photomultiplier tube (PMT), and an avalanche photodiode (APD). The telescope incorporates a narrowband optical filter to permit daylight ranging.
Wetzell SOSW system's receiving Cassegrain telescope has a 0.5 m aperture and the piggyback transmitting refractor telescope has a 0.15 m aperture. In normal SLR operation the AZ/EL mount will slew at up to 10 deg/s in azimuth and 5 deg/s in elevation. The CCD tracking camera has a ).05 deg FOV and can detect sources of magnitude 10 brightness.
The Ti:Sap laser operating wavelength is 849.8 nm with 40 ps wide pulses of 1.5 mJ energy at 1,000 Hz PRF. The output is not eye safe, and air traffic is monitored for potential hazard.
There are two possible 849.8 nm laser receivers, both APDs operated in single photon detection mode. The receiving telescope incorporates a narrowband optical filter to permit daylight ranging.
GeoForschungsZentrum (GFZ, German Research Centre for Geosciences) Potsdam runs the "GFZLAS3" station (aka "Potsdam 3") located in Potsdam, Germany. The Coude-Cassegrain receiving telescope has a 0.44 m aperture and the piggyback transmitter is a 0.15 m aperture refractor telescope. In normal SLR operation the AZ/EL mount will slew at up to 10 deg/s in both azimuth and elevation. The thermoelectrically cooled CCD tracking camera can detect sources of magnitude 12 brightness.
There are three lasers, all operating frequency doubled to 532 nm in the green. The first is Nd:YAG with 50 ps wide pulses of 10 mJ energy at 20 Hz PRF. The second is Nd:YVO with 10 ps wide pulses of 0.4 mJ energy at 2,000 Hz PRF. The third is also Nd:YVO with 10 ps wide pulses of 0.7 mJ energy at 2,000 Hz PRF. None are eye safe, and air traffic is monitored for potential hazard.
There are 10 possible receivers, all operating at 532 nm. They include five PMTs and five SPADS. The receiving telescope incorporates a narrowband (0.4 nm) optical filter to permit daylight ranging.
DLR has operated experimental SLR systems at Uhlandshöhe Forschungsobservatorium (UFO), the Uhlandshöhe Research Observatory in Stuttgart, Germany, since at least 2012. The current SLR operates at a 100 kHz effective pulse rate with 50 micro-Joule energy per 10 ns wide pulse ( https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12567-019-00247-x ). It has provided ranging to cooperative satellites in 20,000 km high orbits to 1 cm precision after averaging thousands of returns over two minutes of observation time. While averaging can provide greater range precision than a single pulse observation, it prevents determination of fast spin or tumble rates, which require high single pulse precision.
The laser transmitter is a 1062 nm wavelength Jenoptik fibre laser operating at 8 W average output power with 80 micro-Joule/pulse at the laser head. The laser is connected to the transmitting optics on the telescope mount via a simple multi-mode fiberoptic cable rather than a complex mirror arrangement or affixing the laser itself to the telescope mount. This convenience had a price in a large laser beam divergence, resulting in lower power on target. It is recognized that performance might be improved by replacing the multi-mode fiber with single-mode fiber providing better optical performance.
The laser pulse was kept long (10 ns) to reduce the peak power applied to the fiberoptic cable faces to avoid damage. This long pulse width reduced single pulse range precision to 60 cm, but the high PRF allowed an effective precision of 1 cm after averaging. The high PRF, however, prevented per-pulse delayed gating of the receiver detector to avoid picking up atmospheric backscatter from the transmitter pulses. Instead, the transmitter is triggered at 200 Hz to produce 50% duty cycle bursts of 200 kHz pulses (thus the system's effective 100 kHz PRF) while the detector is blanked. The detector is un-blanked after the pulses exit the atmosphere in order to capture the return signal.
The Uhlandshöhe Research Observatory SLR system was a designated ILRS Engineering Station for testing new SLR technologies and techniques. Operation was discontinued in 2021 and it does not appear in the current ILRS list of either engineering or active stations.
DLR designed the MiniSLR Compact Satellite Laser Ranging Station as a ruggedized, low cost, low footprint, low labor requirement prototype to expand the overburdened ILRS to areas where stations are scarce or non-existent, including Africa, North and South America, and at polar latitudes ( https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328901302\_MiniSLR\_A\_fully\_automated\_miniature\_satellite\_laser\_ranging\_ground\_station ).
The MiniSLR employs a direct drive mount holding both the 20 cm Newton receiving and the diode pumped Nd:YAG laser providing 200 microJoule 1064 nm pulses at 30 kHz PRF. The low power requires 20mm x 20mm light weight retro-reflectors on the LEO objects being tracked, making the system unsuited for tracking debris - or UAPs. The laser emissions are claimed to not be an aviation hazard due to being (near) IR. (It is true that 1064 nm is invisible to humans, so no distracting glare, but the wavelength can pass through glass and the cornea to damage the retina if sufficiently powerful).
The optics mount sits atop a 1.8m x 1.2m x 1.6 m weatherproof air-conditioned metal container holding all control and data collection, processing, and reporting electronics. The system can be operated either fully autonomously or under remote control. Processed satellite range data is automatically reported to a designated website. Performance testing in 2019 was successful in ranging to multiple targets, but the telescope mount proved a problem. An upgrade to a new mount and higher power 150 micro Joule pulse energy, 75 kHz PRF, 400 ps pulse width laser was underway in 2019, with renewed testing planned for 2021.
submitted by SpookSkywatcher to ufo [link] [comments]
2022.01.28 06:17 toasterbathmyass Proud of my Gameplay
Despite our team not winning, I was still really proud of how I played in this game. It was only unrated, but it was my first game of the day, and it made me very happy.
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2022.01.28 06:17 xamenzie Sun and cat, perfect mix - Fuji X-T3
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2022.01.28 06:17 hands---free FLASH | FLASH-the-lights:Open the hands, close the hands, and open them again. This is a way to tell someone to flash the overhead lighting off and on a couple times.
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2022.01.28 06:17 Sotterof1995 Help needed with my little universe
2022.01.28 06:17 Dizzy-Philosopher150 WHERE DO MURDER VICTIMS GO WHEN THEY HAVE THE CHANCE TO CHOOSE? FLOWERS (2015) is an abstract, surreal horror film centering on six dead women waking up in the crawl space below their killer’s house. 🎥🖤💀
2022.01.28 06:17 qiling Me Desires
submitted by qiling to literarystudies [link] [comments]
2022.01.28 06:17 bloomingflorence Help! My calathea has gnats and worms and I am in despair and a step from binning it.
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2022.01.28 06:17 Opoyiss Former Karnataka CM BS Yediyurappas granddaughter Soundarya Neeraj found dead in Bengaluru
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2022.01.28 06:17 Ustmat What made your first love, your first love?
2022.01.28 06:17 Quicksilver_2022 Simmi Singh - youtuber
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2022.01.28 06:17 SkillpTm 220128 Instagram Update
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2022.01.28 06:17 Beando420 Player Chooses Dog Over Grandson
Hey yall, just recently me and my group got into a bit of an argument over a decision that one of our players made. For a bit of context, me and my roommate decided to collaborate when we made the characters for this quick 20 session mini campaign. Not much is important to this post except for the fact that my roommate (We'll call him Gramps for now) is playing the grandpa to my character and Gramps is an experienced adventurer and has a small puppy named Ragnar.
Now we're about 3/4 of the way through this campaign and the BBEG has kidnapped Ragnar. Through some divinization and spying we've seen some signs that he might be trying to turn Ragnar into some kind of monstemutation to use against us. The problem now lies in the fact that Gramps is absolutely dead set on confronting the BBEG and his entire organization head on to get the dog back instead of going to our destination where we can potentially find some allies to help fight the BBEG. We tried to reason with Gramps (both in and out of game) that this plan would just get us killed, yet he refused to give up on saving this dog.
This is where the problems start. I try to have a heart to heart with Gramps in game about how we'll get the dog back, but we have to think smart about this since we all assumed it was a trap (BBEG had alluded to seeing our scry spell). I also try to insist that this is a bad idea out of character with the same result. After some back and forth the entire group starts to weigh in on the conversation and start to point out major flaws with Gramp's plan to just charge head first in. (For example: What if the BBEG just threatens to kill the dog when we arrive?) If we weren't vastly outnumbered and underprepared for the encounter we might have been a little more sympathetic but we arrived at this impasse of neither side willing to compromise. We didn't really want to leave Gramps behind (especially me since he was my Grandpa and our most powerful fighter) but we also knew that our DM always has consequences for our actions.
Unfortunately for Gramp's player, he had to leave the session a little earlier than the rest of us and his character went unconscious during a fight with a mountain giant. Once he was gone and the fight was over, we decided to just carry his unconscious body with us and leave the dog behind by taking the route to the city which was a another week away. I just feel like both in and out of character it rubs me the wrong way since he's putting his grandson and the rest of the party in danger for a pet that he's had in-game for about four months.
This is where I'd like the communities opinion on whether we were in the right or not. What could we have done to try to convince him to abandon this puppy and what can we do moving forward next session?
TLDR: Player wants to confront BBEG now to save his dog, but has to leave out of game so we choose for his character to come with us anyways.
submitted by Beando420 to DnD [link] [comments]
2022.01.28 06:17 _lexicondevil Decaf and dark circles
I know caffeine (and quitting it) causes dark circles, but does decaf coffee also cause dark circles or would they eventually go away if I switched to drinking that instead of regular coffee?
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2022.01.28 06:17 congratsonyournap The precision of those kicks 👏🏻
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2022.01.28 06:17 borneatsea Is this what they call, humour?
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2022.01.28 06:17 elevendigits 220128 Rosé IG Story Update
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2022.01.28 06:17 korkakkopek ÇILDIRIYORUM AMK DELIRIYORUM
BU HAYATTA EN KÖTÜ ŞEY ANAN VE BABANIN K*RT OLMASIDIR AMK İNSANLIĞA DAİR TEK BİR HAREKET YOK HAYVAN BİLE DİYEMEZSIN BUNLAR BASKA GEZEGENDEN UZAYLILAR TARAFINDAN GÖNDERILMIŞ SABAH 6 DA UYANIYORUM BEBE CIRLIYOR ULAN KALKTA BEBENI KUCAGINA AL SUSTUR FOSUR FOSUR YATIYOR ANCA BANYOYA GITMIS AMFIBIK GIBI LAVABOYA BALGAM ATIYOR BRE ORUSPU ÇOCUĞU ŞU KAPINI KAPATSANA CİĞERİNİ ATIYOR TEMİZLEMİYOR BİR İŞ YAPTIĞI YOK EL KADAR KIZLARI KÖLE GİBİ KULLANIP KIÇINI BÜYÜTÜYOR LAN NİYE BU KADAR BENMERKEZCİSİNİZ NİYE NİYE AİLEN AMK YA AİLEN AİLENE NİYE BENCİL BİR TAVIR SERGİLERSİN Kİ TAVŞAN GİBİ ÜRÜYORSUNUZ BU KADAR ÇOCUĞA HANGİ PARAYLA BAKCAN AMK GECE 3 OLMUŞ YATAKTA TÜKÜRE TÜKÜRE DEDİKODU YAPIYORSUNUZ LAN YAT UYU SANANE MİLLETİN HAYATINDAN AMINA ÇİVİ CAKTİGİM
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2022.01.28 06:17 antdude Google Translate Sings: "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley
2022.01.28 06:17 zakazak X1E - Which thermal paste?
I am getting a new motherboard next week and there for its a good time to check for the right thermal paste now.
In the past I used Grizzly Kyronaut but I just read that it seems to break very quickly with temps over 80C (the X1E gets 95C pretty quickly).
Thick pastes are advised.
The good old MX-4 then?
submitted by zakazak to thinkpad [link] [comments]
2022.01.28 06:17 sadanddistant My spouse (24NB) and I (25F) don't have anything in common anymore.
This might be long because there's more than a few problems, but I'm having a bad night and I need to get this all off my chest. Throwaway because my main isn't supposed to be this personal.
My wife (who is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns but prefers this title still) and I just.... haven't been doing well lately. I've been blaming it on Pandemic stress, but in reality I think the changes the pandemic has cause have just pushed us in different directions.
We met in college, literally week two of our freshman year. We were only friends for a couple of weeks, but then we both liked each other and we were excited and it was new so we started dating. A couple months after that I had to drop out, and I moved back home for a few months but we maintained our relationship over skype. When I was finally able to move back, I stayed with family for a few more months before their dorm lease expired and we could move in together. We moved in with another couple of friends, and we've basically done that ever since. It's been 5 and a half years since we first met, and honestly we're both very aware that we went a little fast. We've never had time to be our own people, and we both acknowledge that's something we need to fix, but we just. Don't know how while maintaining the relationship.
We're both polyamorous and agree that a relationship should be more about being support for the other than being the end all be all pillar in the other's life. This is fine with both of us, I have a LDR girlfriend and they have a couple of close FWBs, and neither of us is jealous or takes issue with this.
The problem is that lately we've just.... had nothing to talk about. We're getting along more with our other partners, to the point there's no time and energy left for each other. And it's hard to put time for each other aside when it feels like climbing a mountain just to have fun with the other person. We used to sit together and watch shows, and we'd talk about our favorite characters and we'd play games together etc. But lately we just haven't had any time whatsoever. They work a morning job and I'm a freelancer with a night schedule. They're an extrovert and I get overwhelmed if we go out too much. They're eclectic and have ever changing passions and sometimes I feel like I can't keep up with them. I don't know how to put time aside for something that drains all of my energy, especially when it
I've tried to explain that I don't feel connected with them anymore and that I want us to have shared interests again but they took it to mean I wanted them to just like whatever it is I like without having their own interests at all. Which isn't true, I love them, I love their interests, but they overwhelm me and I don't know how to participate with them.
There's more problems than this of course.
We're both over worked and stressed about money all the time. They have spending problems and I always have to be the bad guy and beg them not to purchase more things, and it always makes me feel terrible.
I have a hard time with self esteem and asking for help. They often don't have the energy to deal with my moodswings because of how stubborn I am when it comes to believing I deserve anything.
I don't deal with change well and they're all about change all the time. We both have ADHD and I suspect I'm also autistic, and it feels like so many of our problems boil down to our mental illness and disorders butting heads, but I hate blaming it all on that.
Every time we try to talk about any of this everything falls apart. We've mentioned divorce multiple times but every time it comes up we both get too overwhelmed and emotional to deal with it and the next day we pretend it never happened.
Two weeks ago, they caught covid and so we had to quarantine them in the bedroom. We live with two roommates, and it was a stress on all of us. My work area is in the living room anyways so I've been sleeping on the couch. The time apart... feels like it's cracked our already fractured relationship. We barely talked while they were locked up. They rearranged the bedroom since it was something to do, but now I don't feel welcome anymore. We had already agreed that the bedroom was their space since I had my desk area, but... taking up so much communal space is wearing on me and I feel like a burden to the whole household.
I broke down and tried to tell them I don't feel welcome and it turned into an entirely separate conversation about how I don't speak up when I need things and how I'm always letting my needs go by the wayside so that they can be happy and how it's not working anymore.
I don't know.
I emailed about 10 different therapists to look into couples counseling. I'm sleeping on the couch again.
I'm tired but I don't want to lose them. I don't know what to do. Ugh. I'm sorry this is so long.
TL;DR: Spouse and I don't get along anymore. I miss them.
submitted by sadanddistant to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2022.01.28 06:17 LANTRINHFD New Market, Ngo Gia Tu Street, Nha Trang - KHANH HOA
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