Bipolar mother, years later[TW, death]

2022.01.25 01:40 FauxdenFuchs Bipolar mother, years later[TW, death]

My mother was bipolar, but I didn't know this until after she died, where I learned she had received a professional diagnosis. She passed away July 30th 20220, and her funeral was held October 3rd 2020. She passed away from GI bleeding and Dyspepsia.
She tried for a long time to reach out to me, found out where I lived, started sending letters to me. I had rejected her a long time ago, when I was about 18 and living with someone else. She showed up at the door one day and I let her in under the condition that she not discuss the past with me. Not even 10 minutes in and it happens. I had built up so much anger and resentment that I stood up, screaming at her to leave, slowly backing her out of the front door. This is the last time we ever spoke. I am in my early 30's now.
She devastated every inch of my social life growing up. Every friend or partner I had was lost due to her starting problems with their parents, or outright forbidding them to come around anymore, at least in one instance. She loved to threaten to get rid of us kids, would bark at you over the most nutty things. A toilet paper roll not being replaced could mean an entire day of harassment. Eating a cookie you weren't supposed to nearly got my brother thrown out with $5 to his name once. I got to witness him being grabbed by the throat and shoved into a wall. I was told if I was so sad she could take me to the hospital to be put down. She once called her ex over because I was sick and in bed and not going to school, who broke my door to get in, got me out of the room, cornered me in the bathroom being a lunatic, all the while my mother is screaming her head off about driving off and killing herself.
I grew so emotionally flat at some point, on the way to school she started commenting on it, and in an unpredictable fit, starting saying she'd kill us both and swerving the vehicle. (Twice in my life, I got to hear threats about death via car, how great is that).
There's just so much I'd like to share, but I don't think it matters actually.
I felt I had no choice but to cut all contact with this woman. I fought tooth and nail to escape her even before legal age. I succeeded to some degree, but she'd haunt me right up until her death anyway.
I spent so many years trying to rebuild myself and failing. I could not trust anyone anymore. In the early years I was aggravated when someone so much as looked at me in public. I could barely go anywhere without extreme anxiety because I was scared of people, or felt rage for them simply existing. I basically wasn't functioning at all.
I always thought that I'd be freed once she died. I felt so much guilt and sadness. I never could have imagined I could feel this way towards someone who mistreated me in these ways. A woman who never gave hugs, or praise, only insulted me, isolated me, psychologically tormented me and made me an in-house slave to do everything for her. But, it hurt all the same to learn that she died.
I finally sat down today and really did some reading about children affected by bipolar parents. For the most part this is something I've put off. It all really touched on some very tender spots for me though, and sometime soon at least, I think I'd finally like to try and seek out a professional. I've improved in a lot of ways, while others I've entirely plateaued: always thinking something bad is going to happen, deeply mistrusting everyone, not able to feel very close to people out of fear, obsessing over things beyond my control, specifically about other people, otherwise a sudden dip in empathy. I'm sure there's more I'm not thinking of.
Not sure why I'm posting here. Think I've just had enough thinking it's anything that should be private in any way, shape, or form. These are things that happened. I don't want to pretend that they didn't, or that it didn't impact me, because these things and more did happen to me, and it still bothers me, it still determines how I perceive the world and how I am going to end up interacting with other people, and I'm just over it. I don't want to blame anyone anymore, but I also don't want to ignore it. I just want to be at peace.
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2022.01.25 01:40 LunaChaqueDimanche What happens if I don't activate my credit card?

I received a Eastwest credit card and I do not want to activate my credit card. What should I do? Should I call Eastwest?
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2022.01.25 01:40 suns3ts coming of age kpop songs that make you feel like you're the main character in a film

when enhypen dropped their debut album border: day one one song that really appealed to me was their intro track Intro: Walk The Line. I had this song stuck on my head for weeks when it first dropped because of how nostalgic it made me feel up til this day.
other songs that make me be in my feels are fever by ateez, without you by nct u, ghosting and wishlist by txt and i really recommend all of these songs if you haven't listened yet!
i'll gladly accept recommendations of songs with the same vibe as the ones listed above as im thinking of making this into a playlist just to expand my kpop songs dictionary more hehe
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2022.01.25 01:40 Illustrious_Duck815 UNC Scale and Coin

Anyone know anything about them? I went to a rush event and it went well but recently heard them referred to as a cult. If you don't know it's a business society/frat. Do they haze? Am I better off joining DSP?
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2022.01.25 01:40 W1NTRKNGHT Choose wisely

View Poll
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2022.01.25 01:40 Ok-Reveal5153 My (20F) boyfriend (25M) has issues with age gaps

so, to start with I am a 20-year-old female and have been dating my 25-year-old boyfriend for about a year now. The topic of age gaps has come up quite a bit between the two of us, one of them is because we have a five year age gap and the other was because my coworker (30F) has an age gap with her husband (44 or 45M), of 14 or 15 years (I don't remember). During these conversations, my boyfriend has stated multiple times that age gaps bother him, or make him uncomfortable, and in these many conversations, I have stated that while I can see his point, I don't exactly agree with him because to me an age gap is not a serious thing, only if both are in a contentious relationship and no one is being taken advantage of.
The issues came into play when my boyfriend had told me at one point that my age was an issue for him and that had I been a year younger he wouldn't even have looked my way, which is fine everyone has their limit. I just didn't like being told my age was an issue, I have yet to mention that this has hurt me because it just makes me feel like he might leave me because of my age. This probably happened around July-August 2021 and we hadn't brought age gaps since then until that December at my work Christmas party he had commented on how weird the age gap is to my coworker (30F) after she explained the relationship between her and her husband (44 or 45M). I have since the had apologized on his behalf since he lives in another city.
But this is where I might have been an asshole, he asked me to apologize again on his behalf to my coworker, he must have forgotten that he already asked that because I'm not able to hang out with this coworker that much, but I told him that I already apologized and explained to her that he, my boyfriend, was uncomfortable with large age gaps. I told him this over the phone, but I then proceeded to ask him why he was uncomfortable with such large age gaps, which kind of led to an argument about it, and how we both see the age gap and now he is mad and wants some time to process why, which I fully understand, I have apologized and will give him the time he needs
I came on here to see if there is any advice that I could get, I really just want help understanding.
If there are any questions please let me know I will try to answer the best I can
I don't really know if this is really any important information to know so I've just put it underneath this sentence.
He also refuses to tell his family and friends my age, some friends do know, even though I've gotten to know them very well. I don't understand why he won't tell his parents at least seeing as they have a bigger age gap than us.
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2022.01.25 01:40 KernelWizard New Shop System Bug

After the shop system got overhauled/ changed a couple of days ago, there seemed to be no longer previews for any items at all in the shop (at least for me). Does this happened to anyone else? Is it a bug?
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2022.01.25 01:40 Boweeton Need Help with Skyblock Custom Map

So, I'm trying to build a Skyblock map for myself and my friends. I'm having problems though...
I want to have an empty world to build the islands in, BUT if I use "the void" preset no mobs will ever spawn (sort of kills skyblock). If I just use a normal "blank" superflat world, there are floating villages everywhere. But if I turn off generated structures, then there are no fortresses in the Nether (also... killing skyblock since I want a normal Nether in this one.
Any advice on how to fix all these issues???
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Estou pensando em fazer biologia na faculdade mas estou com dΓΊvidas sobre o mercado de trabalho, eu tambΓ©m pretendo sair do paΓ­s
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2022.01.25 01:40 ihavpnileinfekshion How much is a brachypelma hamorii with a body length of 7cm?

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2022.01.25 01:40 Flat-Illustrator-548 Hikers of Reddit: if you were visiting the Southeastern US and had to choose between Saguaro National Parks and Page, Az which would you choose to add to your itinerary and why?

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2022.01.25 01:40 Then_Collar2208 Pay off collections?

Collection company won't delete for payment. It's been almost 5 years. Is it better to just leave or pay it off? Doesn't seem to be hurting my score as much anymore should fall off in 2 years. When is it best to pay off collections and when is it best to just leave it alone.
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2022.01.25 01:40 MrScarfaceX [Xbox Series S/X] Sim-style league with openings

The league has been around for more than a Decade.
We do 72 hours advances.
Season 2, playoffs.
This is a sim-style league, but we let people play. We have rules that we enforce. If you can't take losses, please do not apply. Games must be streamed. If you cannot do that, do not apply.
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2022.01.25 01:40 Bugolgi12345 Which performance mode for samsung SSD 870 evo?

Got a SSD for first time and curious to which mode I should set it in samsung magican program. Either Rapid mode or just standard. Is there a advantage to rapid or is it a ginmick and leave on standard?
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2022.01.25 01:40 Former_Year6735 I had a Dream that I am in Palestine

I had a Dream I travelled to palestine, it wasn't that destroyed as the media shows it, anyways I was walking in a park and suddenly there is missiles flying everywhere .
I made it out safe and then decided to rent an apartment in a building.
Few days later the building I live in was being attacked I decided to hide in an underground base, I brought with me few items and food. But unfortunately after 6 hours I got caught and someone masked was pointing an AK-47 at me, when he shot my vision went black, I realized its a dream so I tried my best to wake up, but I failed. I respawned... in my apartment's bed, and then the attack happened again, and so I went to the same underground base and no one caught me. Then my dream ended.
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2022.01.25 01:40 steviepax only live stream i can find on the Ukraine & Russia Border

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2022.01.25 01:40 Playful_Code563 Trying to find and rebuild all my old Star Wars sets that I found in like 5 boxes of random lego parts and got back into building legos so far I have build 4 new sets from 2021 but when looking for parts I found some mini-figs this is just some of them I have found so far Star Wars though.

Trying to find and rebuild all my old Star Wars sets that I found in like 5 boxes of random lego parts and got back into building legos so far I have build 4 new sets from 2021 but when looking for parts I found some mini-figs this is just some of them I have found so far Star Wars though. submitted by Playful_Code563 to legostarwars [link] [comments]

2022.01.25 01:40 dickmcgirkin Bear kidnapped a kid. Got her back to mommy.

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2022.01.25 01:40 ViralMedia007 3 Free ebooks: THE PARENTING SERIES (3 book series)

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