2022.01.21 11:46 unHero I need to tell my story. [long]
I first joined this sub two weeks ago, after catching her in the act, but I'll get back to that.
My wife and I have been together 1 month short of 15 years and married 8. We met at 19 years old as freshmen in college, got married at 26 and have three beautiful daughters, ages 6, 3 and 3 months. We have been in a rocky place in our relationship for as long as I can remember and it's not one single person's fault. I will admit that I was immature and this was my first ever real relationship. She was incredibly traumatized from her abusive ex relationships, and brought every piece of jealousy and conditioning with her into ours. We would break up and make up constantly, but we loved each other and made it work.
Right after college we had a failed engagement that lead us to separate. She is the only woman I've been with sexually and in my early 20s, with the constant pressure of our families to provide as a husband and get a dead end job, combined with my desire to explore sexually, made me decide to leave. She moved on, said she already found someone else and made it clear that she was done with me. I kept my space and came to the realization that I had chosen a fantasy over my real feelings, and I had to get her back. Slowly, we found ourselves back together 6 months later, I proposed and we continued with our lives, together.
Rough start but eventually we ended up happily ever after, right?
I found out the reason she got back together with me was not because of love, because her new partner was a raging alcoholic who drugged and raped her. So she decided to take me back.
The first couple of years back together were really good. We moved in together in a different state, both starting working and making friends, but there was always something off about her. She was always lamenting something, sad behind the eyes. My wife has never been a "physical" person and my love language is touch. She has never been an expressive person of her feelings and I would always overexceed lavish displays of affection and care. Try as hard as I could, I could never reach her but I loved her and I wanted to put in the work to help her.
We got married, had kids and she became a stay-at-home mom. Now I see that this made her become disconnected from everyone that was keeping her grounded, and she whithered. She has had postpartum depression with every single child and as this was the first, we had no clue how to even identify it, much less treat it. So, we fought.
A couple of years later I want baby #2 and she doesn't. "We're not financially stable", "don't have a house of our own", but I didn't need any of that. I had my wife and children, and that was enough. She eventually agreed.
Two years ago she went to therapy, to release all of her childhood and teen trauma, and it worked. She was happy, smiling and full of life. She wanted to work on her business. She wanted to have sex. She was present with the family. I was elated!
Then, Randy came around (not his real name). You see, my wife also discovered something about herself in therapy. She had a very strong BDSM Dom/Sub fetish and it turns out, she's the Dom! Randy was her Facebook friend who was the "perfect sub", a femboy, into pegging and is cute. I am not a "sub", so she asked me to open our marriage so she could explore this new fetish and make Randy her "pet".
What was I supposed to do? Tell her no and stop her newly discovered vigor? Be the reason she stays bottled up in life? No, that will surely spell the end of us! She was happy with me again and I didn't care about a long-distance, Facebook only experience. So I agreed, with one condition. This is sex only, no relationships.
Well, it immediately turned into a 24/7 relationship. She woke up to him. Went to sleep with him. When she wasn't "playing" with him, she was chatting with him because he was her "friend". All of the positive effects at home stopped and she withdrew completely into her NRE(New Relationship Energy). It didn't click for me until one night, I got tired of seeing her on her phone and I asked her to stop talking to him so we could watch Dexter. She said she "couldn't". I asked why? "He needs me." "why can't you just stop talking to him?" "He'll worry and wonder where I am." "Is he your boyfriend?" "No, he's my pet." Buzzer time.
If there was ever a sound for a veil lifting behind someone's eyes, I heard it. She was in a committed, long distance relationship and I was sharing her now. This had to end. So I explained to her that she had crossed my one boundary, and it had to end. She refused, and cried, and begged that she just "wanted to play". So I made her promise me that she was going to stop talking to him so much and she had to choose. He's either your friend or your pet, so she chose pet.
A couple of days later she asked to meet him in person the next time we visit the city he lives in (we visit the in laws in that city frequently). I say no and they are over. She cries and begs, I give in.
She wants to Dom him in person. She wants to be sexual in her session. She wants to fully experience her kink. I say no and they are over. She cries and begs, I give in. Did I mention we've been trying for a third baby? I tell her no penetration. I don't want paternity questions.
Two months later, she's two months pregnant and she's playing with him in a hotel room while I watch the kids. She comes home and the first thing she whispers into my ear is "he didn't finish me off, so you have to."
Aaaaaaaand I lose it. World shattered. I didn't want any of this, and I have let her get away with EVERYTHING. I ultimatum. It's me or him. She chooses me, breaks it off and withdraws completely. She doesn't talk to me at all, except to ask permission to talk to Randy again, as a friend. The answer is no every time, and she doesn't stop asking. Months pass and I'm still broken. She doesn't care. She needs Randy. I ask her over and over if she's in love? No, every time.
We spend all of 2020 fighting. She's withdrawn, dead behind the eyes except for when she silently asks for Randy back. I beg her to answer me why she doesn't care about my feelings? How can she not see I am shattered? She spends a month and a half in the void. I take care of everyone and work from home.
Eventually, in the middle of 2021, I thought I had healed. She convinced me the only way to trust her was to let her prove to me that us trustworthy, and I said OK, she could be friends with him. Shortly after she asked again to play. I told her no and she gets angry. I'm "insecure". She wishes I would be like I was years ago and didn't care if she messed around (we swung together for a couple of months 13 years prior to this and stopped because I didn't like it).
I ultimatum, you can't talk to him or else I'm gone, and she chooses her marriage. Two weeks ago, she's showing me a conversation on her phone and a message pops up. It's Randy on Facebook Messenger. I click to open the message and she yanks the phone away and immediately deletes the entire conversation! I. Am. Stunned.
"Why did you do that?" I ask. "You wouldn't like what you see." she replies.
I leave. I had to get out of there. I call her and ask her what was in the message and to please tell me the truth. She told him she was unhappy with me, didn't love me anymore, she feels trapped and I am suffocating her. She misses him, he misses her, and she wants to be her Dom and he wants to be her Sub. This had been going on for a month and a half.
I move out to the spare bedroom and I start preparing for a divorce. She is sorry, but she wants to explore her Dom side with Randy and there will be no reconciliation because she won't go back to being "trapped".
I ask her for the truth, what has she been keeping a secret? She was never sure she wanted to marry me. I was the "safe option", a "good guy" who would always love her, unconditionally and support her and her children. She fell out of love 3 years ago and never wanted our second child. She's been trying to regain love, but we fight too much. I explain that we fight because she has been gone from this relationship for years and fell in love with someone else. Even if she was never going to admit it, I always knew.
If she wants to be together, I have to accept an Open relationship and accept Randy as a part of our life. So I refuse. I ask her for the truth. "Do you love him?" "No, it's not like that. I only love you."
Last night, by pure universal chance, I stumbled onto her journal. I read it, and my body goes numb. Not only is she in love with him, but she's been in love with him since she first started playing with him. I wait until later and ask her, "Do you love him?" "No, it's not like that". I ask her to pull out the journal under her bed.
Her face IMMEDIATELY changes from honest to cold. "You read my journal..."
"Do you love him?" "I am back and forth, sometimes I do, sometimes don't, but it's not going anywhere. He wants to be single." "How long have you loved him?" "Since he was my pet." "Are you even sorry?" "I'm sorry you got hurt." "Are you sorry that you lied to me everyday for over a year?" "No, because it's not relevant. I can't control my feelings. It wasn't going anywhere with him, so I didn't have to tell you."
She says that she doesn't feel she has to make amends. She doesn't want to be in a relationship without trust and respect, and I won't ever trust her again. I tell her that even now she's lying. She doesn't have any love for me because if she did, she could never have lied to me or done what she did.
She's not wrong, it's over for good. I just thought I knew my partner of 15 years, that I still very much love. This is the heartbreak. The realization that there is no path back from this. She isn't sorry, she doesn't want to be sorry and she doesn't care. How do I cope with this? How does anyone just get over a betrayal of this magnitude?
Tldr Lots of problems, 3 kids pop out, wife falls in love with BDSM pet, keeps it a secret for over a year and sneaks him back in last month. She's not sorry.
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2022.01.21 11:46 Bonus1Fact 'Here Comes the Bambi Saviour': Pet #Dog Saves Fawn From Drowning, Wins Millions of Hearts
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2022.01.21 11:46 cookinwithclint [OC] Chopped Rib Sandwich
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2022.01.21 11:46 No-Mathematician5569 join now please i have 5 players
2022.01.21 11:46 iirxs Destroyed hair after chemo & radiation
Hi everyone! So my mom got chemo & radiation on her head (About 1,5 years ago) her hair did grow back, but not all of it (so you see bald spots) as well as veeeryy thin, brittle and almost "fried". I guess this is from the radiation on her scalp. It really grows out of the follicle this way. Does anyone know if there is any way to make her hair a bit more strong again? Maybe some kind of treatment? Or any products that could help? Thank you in advance!
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2022.01.21 11:46 MaxstarAwp Blueprint for the Supreme Accessory of Crab Game or a gun for Karlson - Gucci Banana Dolphin
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2022.01.21 11:46 Scott_Sovereignty Jen Psaki's HORRIBLE Defense of Another Joe Biden Disaster
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2022.01.21 11:46 Sure_Garbage_2119 Saúde barra diretriz que contraindica 'kit Covid'
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2022.01.21 11:46 mmwhatchasaiyan 28f looking for badass lady friends in NC
Like the title said, looking for some badass lady friends near me ! I'm 28, and just moved to NC a few weeks ago. I like music (all sorts) but lately a lot of metal, punk, grunge, emo, etc etc. I listen to a few true crime podcasts (any recommendations??) And I have a bunch of pets. I love movies, reading, and I'm a casual gamer. I want to find friends who can be cool beans, and are up for anything ! I'm super non judgemental so send me a pm and let's chat!
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2022.01.21 11:46 Tricky_Amphibian96 𝙅𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝘾𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 || Invasion of Panama Aesthetic Montage
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2022.01.21 11:46 -SevenProxy- Franz Lohner's Chronicle - Deathly Whispers
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2022.01.21 11:46 adalsteinn13 Gorgc meets a League of legends GIGACHAD
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2022.01.21 11:46 healthessentials99 Daydreaming Lofi Girl ~ Fly Me to The Moon ~ Chill Lofi Remix
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2022.01.21 11:46 Drknyss Yard Act is currently doing an AMA over at /r/IndieHeads
2022.01.21 11:46 gonzo420 10 years and to celebrate dropping a cakeday exclusive
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2022.01.21 11:46 Bonus1Fact Hoax Caller 'Mines' Russian #CentralBank Over Proposal to Ban Cryptocurrencies Mining
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2022.01.21 11:46 Far-Claim-3565 Mega Aerodactyl Raid Now Pineapplelexus b on line plz add 10 if less then 7 players leave 8549 8477 3125 Let’s start weekend Winning 🥇
2022.01.21 11:46 newaccountbah My take on why City Hall isn't Downtown
Okay, so you know how Zootopia City Hall and other important buildings like the ZPD aren't located Downtown, but around the Savanna Central area? I created some sort of backstory for that fact.
During this universe's version of WW2, Zootopia, as a city-state sort of government, was involved in the war as a key player. It's enemies knew it's importance and decided to try to bomb it into submission.
Downtown was the major target, as it housed most of the financial services, the old City Hall and several other government facilities. That region was annihilated during the Zootopia blitz and due to the destruction of more than 95% of it's structures, Zootopian authorities scrambled to relocate whatever they could that was crucial from the ruins of the City Centre to the closest area that was predominantly urban and had decent transport infraestructure: Savanna Central.
That's about it!
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2022.01.21 11:46 NotHasler Mobile master
2022.01.21 11:46 SheenTStars FB post by a spa owner
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2022.01.21 11:46 tommygun1945 "Keep your chin up and live life facing forward! " v3-3 spoilers
2022.01.21 11:46 Zarqonriose TACTICS: Man City 433(2) formation
Hello guys, I'll give you my (long) 433(2) analysis, tactics, based on Man City style of play.
The 433(2) is a 433 with a single cdm (like Man City), and we will play it with an offensive mindset.
I saw a post about the Bielsa's formation, tried it, find it fun and make some changes.
I'll give you my players' instructions, tactics and style of play.
I score more goal and concede less.
The idea is to create triangles, to pass from the wing and the midfield. But the key is to be VERY agressive when you lose the ball. The high dept will help you to keep your opponent in his own half, and to have a lot of players around the ball.
This post is a little bit long. I've made 5 parts :
II- Players and instructions
III- A kind of Q&A with the main points
IV- Style of play
V- Kind of players to use in this system in my opinion
Let's go and hope you'll enjoy !
"If you play on possession, you don't have to defend, because there's only one ball" Johan Cruyff
-Defensive style: Pressure After Possession Loss
Basically gegenpressing. The faster you can win the ball after a loss, the better.
It's easier to score from the center rather than from the wing. Force your opponents to use their wingers. Most of them play with only 1 CAM, so they'll have a lack of options.
Keep them in their own half. The higher you defend, the longer they'lll have to run to score. You only need fast cb. Try to use right stick defending. I'm currently learning, I make mistakes, but it's better.
It's balanced. We can score from wings of from the middle, because we'll always have someone somewhere.
You need to create "waves" on opponents' box.
Build up play: Slow build up.
SLOW DOWN THE GAME.
Stop spamming R2 or RB. Take your time. Your opponents will make a mistake and create spaces for you.
Chance creation: Possesion
My favourite lmao
-Players in box: 7 bars.
-Corners: 6 bars
What's the point of having 1 bar.
Free kick :
3 bars. It sucks.
II) Team's players and instructions (instructions + my players). I'll explain just after my choices.
GK-Claim for crosses/Libero
Neuer. Any gk is good, as their performance are inconsistent. Try to take one with good passes. Honestly doesn't change anything with base setup.
LB- Join the attack/inverted/Step up
CBs- Stay behind/Normal interceptions/Step up
IF Upamecano and SBC Sule. Will probably try Niakhate soon over Upa.
RB: Balanced/inverted/Step up
Carvajal (not incredible, but needed for 10 chem)
CDM- Man Mark/Stay behind/Agressive interceptions/Cover centeStick to position
RCM- Attack on balanced/ Stay On Edge Of Box For Cross /Normal Interceptions/Stick to position/Cover center
LCM- Get forward/ Stay On Edge Of Box For Cross/ Normal interceptions / Free roam / Cover center
LW-Stay forward / Cut inside / Balanced support / Get into the box for cross /Normal interception
ST- Stay central / Mixed attack / Normal interceptions / Stay forward
RW- Stay forward / free roam / Get in behind / Get into the box for cross /Normal interception
III) Why am I using these instructions ?
Like Man City, our aim here will be :
- Press high on the pitch
- Win the ball quickly after a loss
- Controlling the game (having the ball)
-Being able to do something when we have the ball
-And of course enjoying our way of playing
There are some important points in the instructions, and I'll explain the main ones here.
1) Why are the LB and the LCM both on an attacking mindset ?
Because I want to create triangle, and to be able to play them from my box to the opponent box.
If Davies stop running forward, Bruno and Son will only have 1 or 2 solutions. Davies bring at least 2 moresolutions (by staying behind or making a forward run).
2) Then why the RB doesn't have the same instructions ?
Goretzka is less offensive than Bruno. He'll make less forwards run, and will need a support lower on the pitch. Also, Carvajal is slower than Davies. If I was good at defending, I'd probably play the RB like the LB.
3) Explain the wingers' instructions ?
I need basically 2 kind of wingers : a scorer, who'll make run into the boxes, cut inside. A finisher, able to score from both feet. Son is that guy. I aslo need another winger, quick, with skills, able to leave the defenders in the dust and to cross, pass, give solutions on the side of the pitch. It's Rodrygo for me.
4) Explain the midfield ?
I have 3 kind of midfielders. A CDM, a CM and a CAM.
The cdm stay back, and liek City on offensive, you have your CAM playing like the Maestro (KDB). The CM is also offensive but just behind the CAM (Gundogan). The CDM sometimes come for helps and hide the spaces (Rodri).
5) Explain defenders' suicidal step up instruction.
The main point of this style of playing is to win the ball fast, at any cost. I need aggressive and fast defenders. Sule is probably your best option with Cordoba in this system.
You'll take far more risk, and concede goals at the start. But with some practice, you'll be better and I can guarantee you the opponent aren't ready for this.
6) Explain 90 depth ?
The higher you win the ball, the better. Make you opponent suffocate. Make him doubt. He'll try to accelerate, and will loose more and more balls. You'll score a lot of goals in the second hal, becaure your opponents will try to accelerate and make more mistakes.
7) Explain the striker ?
Of course Robbie Keane is a kind of meta player. He's fast, not too small, agile, score how when wants.
The good thing is that you can play a slow pure st in this formation : Kane, Lewa, Suarez, Van Basten...
You need a real 9.
You need a finisher. A killer. A guy who just score.
IV) How the team plays
As I said, I try to create triangles. With these instructions, every player have at least 2 triangles near of him. You have to take your time. Don't hesitate to pass to your cb or cdm. Your fullbacks will helps you, and with your forwards in the box, and the midfieders at the edge, you'll have decent chances of scoring.
This is the kind of situation it will happen for me :
Davies give it to Bruno, who make a 1-2 with Son. He can pass it to Fred or Goretzka, who'll try to touch Cravajal, who'll give it to Rodrygo. If he can run or cross, good, if not, back to carvajal or Goretzka, then to bruno, etc. The thing is to find spaces. No spaces ? Keep moving the ball. Every human make mistakes, and your opponent will end doing one.
You play from the left and the right, without stopping moving forward, and you'll have more and more solutions.
Another advice who sound dumb : Don't hesitate to shot. Even if your far away, you'll win a corner, of the keeper will make a bad save, or you'll even score. Always try to finish your movements by a "final move" : a shot, a skill, a pass.
When defending, don't hesitate to observe. Your opponent is running on your cb ? Move fast, wait, and tackle him. Use 2nd man press to surround him. Make him lost his mind.
Use your cdm for starting your attacks, and don't try to make imppossible passes.
When you win the ball back, it's always irritating to losing it straight after.
V) Type of players for each positions
IMO, the kind of guys needed for every positions (I won't name guys like Prime Pele or Cruyff, as I didn't tried them and 90% of the players don't have them either). Ofc I can forget someone.
Take the special version of each, even if some gold are still very good.
The GK are stranges this year. Take the one you like, with good passing if possible.
Strong, reliable, solid. You can take a slow one if the other is fast or if you're just good.
Sule, Upa, Kimpembe(sorry), Marquinhos, Cordoba, Niakathe, Collins, VVD, Varane, Klostermann, Chiellini, Koulibaly, Skriniar, Alaba, Militao, Carlos, Kounde, Rudiger, Kohler, Djalo, Cozza.
For the fullbacks, depend of who you want at getting forward, the LB or the RB.
Offensive RB :
TAA, Clauss, Navas, Capa, Cancelo, Atal, Trippier
Defensive RB :
Hakimi, James, Cuadrado, Florenzi, Carvajal, Mukiele, Mbabu
Cancelo, Davies, Reguilon, Delaine, Tierney, Theo Hernandez, Cornet
Mendy, Spinazzola, Robertson, Lodi
CDM: Who can defend and pass
RTTK Fred, Fofana, If Kante, Tonali, Fabinho, Rodri, Kimmich, Verrati, De Jong, Zakaria, Guendouzi
CM: your B2B. He has to be on the side of the normal fullback.
Barella, Goretzka, Pogba, Modric, Llorente, Renato, Gundogan,
CAM: your 2nd cm, with offensive mindset. He has to be on the side of the offensive fullback.
Bruno, KDB, Dybala, Bernardo Silva, Messi, Lucas, Fekir, Muller, Di maria, Zaniolo, Draxler
Winger: I won't say LW or RW, but winger who will score or who will assist/create space
Winger who will score :
Son, Hazard, Messi, Neymar, Gnabry, Sterling, Rashford, Salah, Mané, Jota, Chiesa,
Winger who will assist/create space :
Vinicius, Rodrygo, Coman, Sané, Zaha, Sancho, Bamba, Saka, Dembele, Martins, Zyech
Of course, some of you might have Dembele as their club top scorer. You're just good.
Just a good finisher. Passing is a plus. If they make a flashback Kane with 85 speed, you know what to do.
Ok guys, I have finished. Sorry if it was too long, and for the grammar.
I'm not a pro. I'm an average player, who improve a lot by using these tactics. Ofc, you won't pass from div 9 to elite in 3 days. I was in div 3, I'm now in 1. I don't master this system perfectly, it's mentally harrassing because you have to force you to do something that's not usual.
Don't hesitate to ask me your question !!!!
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2022.01.21 11:46 chocolatebiscuit97 Is this a scam?
I've been looking into magic mushrooms as a potential treatment for my anxiety and depression, and recently put my email into a website seemingly related to it. I got an email back saying that they offer therapy assisted with psilocybin which is exactly what I'm looking for, but that I'd have to rent out an AirBnB nearby to his location where I could stay after the session.
He asked about things such as my mental health, what prescription drugs I am taking, therapies I've tried etc, and said that during the session he would give me eyeshades to put on, would play music and would be there the whole time, and then I could see an integration therapist afterwards. He also said that he would provide the medicine.
Does any of this set off any alarm bells for any of you? I'm very cautious with this sort of thing, and am nervous in general so this is a bit of a leap out my comfort zone. Anyone had a similar experience or?
This is the website: https://psychedelictherapyuk.com/
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2022.01.21 11:46 LEResearch Lupus Patient Study: Earn $50 for 30 minutes (US ONLY)
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