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I have been a worthless son all my life and keep breaking my parents' heart

2022.01.21 11:27 The_Mikado_List I have been a worthless son all my life and keep breaking my parents' heart

I am a Chinese national, so I apologise for any silly mistakes in the following paragraphs for English is not my first language. The story may sound fake to many of you, but I swear on my own life that it is very real indeed.
Growing up I have always been scolded for randomly throwing a temper tantrum. It looked as if I was born to be a terrible person because I had very little control over my actions and thoughts even when I was still a kid. Early examples of my bad behaviour include throwing water bottles on the floor when people come visit my parents, refusing to befriend other kids at kindergarten and verbally abusing them, as well as violently resisting a nurse's attempt to immunise me when I was still an infant. I had no recollection of some of these events but based on my pattern of behaviour I doubt my parents were gaslighting me when they told me years after.
My parents are very loving, but as all Asian parents do, they kept comparing me to my American cousin who, with hindsight, is genuinely a much better human being than me in all aspects. My parents would jokingly suggest that maybe they should have left me in front of an orphanage (to avoid bringing shame to the ancestors) whenever my American cousin achieved something that I could never have, be it academic, social, or musical achievements.
I took the “insults” and “roasting” from my parents very personally. I was not and have never been smart except perhaps learning a foreign language. I struggled in kindergarten and attended a special needs school for a year before I enrolled in a primary school. Even at school I struggled to make friends or be relevant. So, I caused a lot of trouble at school to attract my parents’ attention, such as harassing girls and making outlandish remarks in class. To this day I still remember the 9-year-old me accidentally looking down a girl’s shirt and seeing her breasts which I believe is what made me become a sexually perverted freak.
I eventually got sick of being compared to my American cousin. I started shunning him whenever he and his family came to visit us in China and even went so far as to spread false rumours behind his back. I also told him in person that I wished he was dead. My cousin was kind enough to keep the exchange to himself and never told anyone about this.
Come middle school, perhaps motivated by the need to prove my worth to my parents, I somewhat toned down my behaviour and focused on my studies. By some miracle I did get enough grades to get into a very prestigious high school. However, I also attracted tons of controversy in middle school because I continued to behave like a prick in front of other kids who I perceived to be lesser beings than me. My parents did not compare me to my American cousin as much during this time because they thought I had finally found my way and would become a normal human being.
High school was okay for the first two years, but the final year... I do not know what happened to me, but I lost all the motivation to be a good student/person. I would watch La Liga matches at midnight and not finish my homework. I would play games on my phone in class and not listen to what the teacher had to say. I would openly insult anyone who disagreed with me. The comparison with my American cousin made a return, although eventually my parents had seemingly given up on me, commenting that everyone is different, and I needn’t be bothered to try and surpass my American cousin. I note that my parents never physically abused me but did voice their disappointment in me several times (as they should).
I did ok in the college entrance examination, surpassing the cut-off line for first tier universities. I did well in IELTS, too, so my parents decided to send me abroad to study in Australia with a view that I would eventually settle there permanently and build a life for myself. At last I was completely free of my parents’ control, for a while… and then I spent a lot of money on pornography, erotic novels, luxuries, and food. Gosh I ate a lot of food. Uber Eats, fine dining, etc., you name it… I never spent money on alcohol or drugs, though. I think I spent about 300-1,000 AUD a day…
My family is relatively well-off which means I have all my tuition fees and living expenses covered without having to work. I am now an admitted solicitor but struggled to find full-time employment and make sensible human connections. Come 2022 I decided to pursue a Master’s Degree and asked my parents for money to pay the tuition fee. It was not until then I realised that my parents had wired enough money for me to pay the deposit for a house in Australia, and I have wasted it all. My parents were absolutely devastated but nevertheless agreed to send me more money.
My dad however said that he really had wished that I was never born because all I did in my life was cause him trouble, give him anxiety, and waste all the money he saved up for the family. Last I heard my parents were having a big fight between them because of me, and their marriage is apparently falling apart. If my parents are to divorce because of me I would never forgive myself (I may seriously consider suicide).
I have had the time to reflect on my life, and I realised that my father is right – I did no good in my life and have always been a source of misery for my parents. I am nearly 30 years old and still depend on them. I have always thought my bad behaviour is a product of the excessive comparison with my American cousin, but in the end, it is always on me. I have been a terrible human being since the beginning of time and I will perhaps remain one for the remainder of my life.
I think I have got issues and am seriously fucked up in the head. I want to make amends but do not know how.
submitted by The_Mikado_List to confessions [link] [comments]


2022.01.21 11:27 Mala_Tea Još jedno vječno pitanje

Skidate li čarape prije spavanja ili ih nosite i u krevetu?
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2022.01.21 11:27 AverageDeadMeme Missed a show last night, so walked 60 blocks for Price Street Pizza instead

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2022.01.21 11:27 kanethebutcher #fromthevault #rendthemasunder #2019 #secretbirthdayparty #deathmetal #brutaldeathmetal #ukdeathmetal #cerebralenema #analflossisboss #section9 #blitzkriegpromotion #amtstudioslimited 🪓

#fromthevault #rendthemasunder #2019 #secretbirthdayparty #deathmetal #brutaldeathmetal #ukdeathmetal #cerebralenema #analflossisboss #section9 #blitzkriegpromotion #amtstudioslimited 🪓 submitted by kanethebutcher to AMTSTUDIOSLTD [link] [comments]


2022.01.21 11:27 shrewdsam Buying a rig for a DD in the US?

Buying the new fanatec dd pro… and looking for some recommendations on a rig that’s not too expensive, I’m in the us Btw. Saw that the micro center near me has a $599 simlab evo. Not sure if I’m ready to spend that much considering I would still need to buy a seat. Thanks.
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2022.01.21 11:27 octoflex717 Does a sliding drawer mod like exist for 850PS2?

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2022.01.21 11:27 No-Intern7855 Notion shortcut app PreNotion: Beta is now available

Notion shortcut app PreNotion: Beta is now available Hey!
We have created an app called Prenotion. With this app, you can use a shortcut to quickly add a new entry into one of your databases. You can join the beta for free! Check the comments for some video's about this tool.
For more information go to prenotion.io

https://preview.redd.it/265phwbow1d81.png?width=3298&format=png&auto=webp&s=2f31a3d6d071304720b4c51a4b409a62ed01e755
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2022.01.21 11:27 _R4CC00N_ My boyfriend bites his icecream should i still marry him ?

Idk if i can live with a psychopath and im currently scared for my life
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2022.01.21 11:27 whatifyoutryalittle Found that these are sears roebuck employee appreciation pins but couldn’t find the year or meaning between each. My great aunt worked at one in Chicago, IL. Any more information would be appreciated.

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2022.01.21 11:27 keytarPlatypus69 A joke

No one ever said "Life is fair".
Except that Russian guy that worked at the fair.

MM: 0x58d8fEE33248572e103009Ba47577763755da47E
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2022.01.21 11:27 yolo_kevi JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION Marketing TV Spot

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2022.01.21 11:27 KShrike Four Piece Set Bonus: The Craftsman, should fletch all logs at once. But it does not work at Wintertodt.

I'm here with the four piece set bonus fletching one log at a time, sadge.
I know they had to individually code all instances so I imagine they probably just missed WT kindling, so I'm making this thread to signalboost the issue and get a jmod response. Is this intentional? If not, can it be fixed?
I'm fine either way. Just feel a little bad for planning ahead only to get a bad payoff.
submitted by KShrike to 2007scape [link] [comments]


2022.01.21 11:27 nifepipe Help wanted: Incorporating Lifestyle expences in interesting ways (Ravnica)

Hello, I am soon running a Ravnica game and wanted to incorporate salaries and lifestyle expences into the game. The Book (Guildmasters guide to Ravnica GGR) already gives some great way in which your lifestyle affects you charisma checks in certain sections of the city, but I wanted to allow my player to feel a real benefit in quality of life when raising through the ranks of their guild. All guilds offer some Form of salary. I want the salary to cover the stays in inns and food, as well as some other minor expences. This should help with us all not worriing too much about these aspects. But I want to encourage my players to both want to use inns that are in their lifestyle as well as motivate them to try and gain a raise in their guild. But I worry about the interaction between different lifestyles and costs. Let me explain:
Imagine having a party with one Player earning a modest (1gp/day) salary and one player earning a wealthy (4gp/day) salary. If they stayed at the same inn one of them should be penalised or rewarded. Either the wealthy player is downgrading or the modest player is upgrading. In my mind the fast fix would just be for one of them to get the monetary difference as a direct payment to balance out the costs. So either the modest player would pay 3gp for that day or the wealthy player would earn 3gp. Sound fair enough for now. But I know that my players would in that case just all live squalid (1sp/day) lifestyles and keep the cash for other items so I want to discourage that.
I though of maybe giving them either penalties or bonuses to help motivate them to live their appropriate lifestyle. Example ideas: bonus temporary hitpoints, disadvantage on saving throws for diseases, max HP reductions, advantage on saving throws against exhaustion, inspiration, first check of the day with advantage, etc.
My problem and why I would like to ask for help, is that I don't know how to balance this and I have no idea what possible bonus or penalties I could incorporate. I would appreciate any feedback on this topic. Thanks in advance.
Disclaimer: sorry if I made a lot of mistakes in grammar, I'm terrible at writing and English is not my first language.
Tldr: Want to motivate player to get a salary and use it appropriately
Reminder of lifestyle costs in gp/day for your conviniance: Wretched - Sqalid 0.1 Poor 0.2 Modest 1 Comfortable 2 Wealthy 4 Aristocratic 10+
submitted by nifepipe to DMAcademy [link] [comments]


2022.01.21 11:27 stillness0072 German big business piles pressure on Lithuania in China row:Analysis

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2022.01.21 11:27 Suicidal_Fluffy I had a radical hysterectomy at 17

(I use they/them pronouns)
A radical hysterectomy is where they take out your cervix/uterus/fallopian tubes but I do I have both ovaries and a vaginal canal
I have a severe case of PCOS I was falsy diagnosed for years (until I was 14 and diagnosed with PCOS) by doctors just claiming that I was young and young people have irregular periods but in my case I was constantly is the hospital due to period "cramps" ( it was actually due to oviaran cysts) and I was constantly sick due to severe iron diffencecy my iron levels were 4.26 in 2016 when I was 13 ( between 35.5 and 44.9 percent for adult women ) and I was bleeding so much and not your average heavy flow I would literally bleed so much a day I would lose consciousness and pass out from blood loss and I was bleeding every single day for months it just never stopped and that's when the doctors were finally like let's test them for Von Willebrand disease (A bleeding disorder caused by low levels of clotting protein in the blood.) because of how of how much I was bleeding it came back negative and they had no idea what to do next and for the next 9 months I was going to the children's hospital 2 hours away twice a month to get an iron transfusion and even then we could never get my levels higher than 10 because the bleeding was so extensive
And here is the crazy part I started my period when I was 10 and my periods were really irregular and would be super heavy and would last long period of time with excruciating period cramps that would land me in the ER every so often plus extensive weight gain and so the doctors put me on birth control pills and that's where it started there are many types of birth control and I couldn't take most of them because they didn't have the right hormones to stop the bleeding but I have been on 17 different types including the IUD and Progesterone/Estrogen pills I was on birth control for 7 years and even after all that nothing I mean nothing stopped my period even with an IUD in longer than 2 years they just never ended
I couldn't ever have normal feelings either and that sounds weird but we all know that with periods comes emotions and my hormones were all over the place so I was constantly going in and out of super intestine mood swings that would switch on a dime and that became my day to day life because at first my periods lasted 2 weeks+ and then it turned into 4 months+ next thing I knew was it was years(the last period I experienced was 4 years and 12 months shy of 5 years by 3 days) and I just learned to live with it
I couldn't play sports or exercise comfortably because I was bleeding and was basically wearing a diaper everyday just so I didn't have blood leak through my pants I couldn't have a s*x life either because I was bleeding everyday and so I just felt disgusted and gross all the time and not only did it have an effect of my physical health it also took a big toll on my mental health not all my mental health problems are based off of my PCOS but It did just make everything worse I had many attempts on my life because I was miserable
It wasnt until I was 17 that I realized that I would live like this for the rest of my life and I didn't want it to be that way and I had tried everything medically wise to treat it but nothing ever worked I was left with 2 options 1: live like this forever and just hope they find a cure or 2: get rid of my uterus
Now before you say that a 17 year old shouldn't be able to make a decision like that because I was so young to make a decision that was so life changing because I'm taking away what technically makes me a "woman" and the choice to ever have my own kids (I knew from a young age that I never wanted kids and if I chose to have kids some day I would adopt) but I knew that I was miserable and I couldn't live like that much longer
So I saw my OB-GYN and told him that I wanted my hysterectomy and we sat down and talked for a long time about everything and he agreed with me about how I was feeling and told me that if that's what I wanted then it was going to happen (I know a lot of women do not have male gynaecologists but he was the only specialist in town plus he went to Harvard ) he is the best doctor ive ever had and changed my life for the better but there was a dilemma due to my age I had to get all my doctor's on board and my female pediatrician actaully denied me to get said surgery because of the off chance that my "husband" might want kids some day(funny how my MALE doctor was my best fucking supporter in this and my FEMALE doctor was completely against it) it took months to convince her until I got her to finally say yes then we had to take my case to the board of the hospital which I would be receiving my surgery at ( said hospital is very Catholic so they do things a certain way) it was a tough case to make to them because they all looked past my suffering and unhappyness and just saw that I would no longer be able to carry a baby and what if my future husband wanted a kid I wish I was making this up but it's the truth they took 6 months to decide to let me do it
I had my radical hysterectomy on 12/28/2020 it was done Laparoscopicly and I was left with 3 little incisions I am now 18 and for the last year of my life it got drastically better and yes for awhile I was depressed because I felt like I wasn't a real "woman" anymore and felt something of me was missing but I went through therapy for it and have learned that it doesn't make me any less of a "woman" it made me stronger and more confident and to be honest if I could change a single thing I wouldn't
I am open to any questions and to anybody out there struggling just know that it will be ok and I hope to all the readers that you have a good day
submitted by Suicidal_Fluffy to PCOS [link] [comments]


2022.01.21 11:27 I_lost_my_identity Blursed_sign

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2022.01.21 11:27 Shoddy_Mail_5077 Hammock hole

Hello, anyone knows how to fix a hole in a ripstop nylon hammock, the size of 1 cm in a budget? Much appreciated.
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2022.01.21 11:27 ThavoArtz [For Hire] Artist open for commissions - DnD, Fantasy, Character Art, Portrait and more - Feel free to send DM ! Starting from $30

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I’m 18 and I want a butterfly, but not have it look like a blob in 10 years. Thanks!
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2022.01.21 11:27 Yoweirdio My beautiful Lily ❤️

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