My insecurities are causing problems in my perfectly good relationship help

2022.01.20 23:27 floridianmigraine My insecurities are causing problems in my perfectly good relationship help

So me (20f) and my boyfriend (20m) have been dating for five months after over a year of being in a complicated FWB situation which began as he was dealing with the fall out from his abusive ex. I know it sounds bad, but he dealt with that legally and she’s out of the picture, but for a lot of the time we were just FWB, I would feel insecure because he would act like my boyfriend at school and still be talking to his ex telling her he loved her. Like, on valentine’s day last year he bought me flowers, introduced me to his mom, and took me out to dinner, but then three days later i saw him commenting on his ex’s pic about how good she looked and i saw him texting her that he loved her. This was really hard for me at the time because i’d never been consistently hooking up with someone before and no guy had ever liked me enough to buy me flowers or take me out like that before. But he was doing all those things while still on instagram commenting on his ex’s pictures and this other girl he hooked up with’s photos at the same time. Now let me clarify we were not dating at the time and i didnt feel for him nearly as much as I do now.
At the end of last year he cut off his ex and started talking to just me all the time. We talked about how we liked eachother but he was adamant he didn’t want a relationship for the rest of college (we were both in our respective home states over the summer). However this summer we started talking all the time, and became exclusive even going as far as to visit eachother when we live four hours away. However, I still clung to what he said at the beginning of the summer that he didn’t want a relationship for the rest of college. But after I visited him in August, he told me that of course he wants to be in a relationship with me but I felt completely blindsided. I’d buried that hope so deep I never even conceptualized that that was something he was thinking about all summer. I was thrilled regardless, and said yes.
He has turned out to be so great and loving and gentle and patient and committed to me. I have a chronic illness and he even does my injections for me to manage it. I really do love him so much, so this is why my heart breaks every time this scenario happens. For some reason, I’m having trouble processing how are relationship has changed and I get scared that they haven’t actually, so i make big deals out of small things, but then almost immediately realize i’m in the wrong and apologize. Like for example today i saw that he liked this girl who goes to our school’s thirst trap. She’s kind of known for messing around with a lot of guys in his fraternity and the pic was basically soft porn. The thing is, he really does like everyone’s photos without noticing. I’ve seen him do it so many times when he doesn’t even notice me, and like he really just keeps scrolling. Plus, we are our most interacted with accounts on instagram, so i have nothing to worry about and besides I know for a fact he’s not cheating we are together all the time and he’s super loyal.
Despite all this though, my mind immediately went to the times he was commenting on other girls stuff before we were dating. It made me feel sick, and in seconds i was sending him a screenshot of the pic with the message “i don’t want to be that girl but did u have to like this pic.” I thought he was going to say “oh i didn’t notice” and then i could explain why it made me uncomfortable and we could drop it. I guess what i said was way more aggressive than i thought because it really pissed him off. He felt like I was once again questioning his loyalty after five great months of us loving and respecting eachother. You see, he felt like I was taking shots at him even though he hadn’t done anything wrong and i quickly realized he was right and started to profusely apologize. I explained that i really didn’t think it would matter to him if i asked him not to like pictures like that cause it reminded me of last year and he said if that’s what I started with he would’ve completely understood. However, he is still pissed at me for acting like he did something wrong when nothing about it is inherently unfaithful or bad, it just hurt my feelings and i should’ve conveyed that instead of being bitchy. This isn’t the first time I’ve pounced on him over nothing because I have this stupid fear that things are still how they used to be, and i can tell his getting sick of it and i hate feeling so insecure and then picking a fight because i actually hate fighting with him and i never actually mean to start one. What i mean to do is set a boundary and respectfully communicate that to him, but my initial angry and distressed emotions upon identifying something that makes me want to set a boundary always take the lead on the first text and it starts a fight i didn’t even mean to begin. Though he says he understands where i’m coming from i can tell he is still really upset. What do i do? How do I get over these stupid past insecurities? My behavior i feel is so ugly and i love this boy and don’t want to subject him to the wrath of my insecurities and outbursts
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2022.01.20 23:27 lol2021-Cary Recommend this basic and versatile Champion hoodie for you.Very versatile!

Recommend this basic and versatile Champion hoodie for you.Very versatile! submitted by lol2021-Cary to CoutureReps [link] [comments]

2022.01.20 23:27 PushyQueffer I've been lying for years now.

I've told you so many times before, that i can recall exactly the moment i fell in love with you. it was the day you went to treatment. And then while you were in treatment we began getting closer than we ever had before. we talked with each other and we shared a lot of ourselves . we were both clean and we were both letting down our walls and we shared everything with each other. without hesitation. we talked about everything , we made so many future plans. it was beautiful. it was healthy. and i allowed myself to believe in you like id never done with anybody before. i fell deeper into love with you and everything you said to me was nothing short of a dream come true for me.
i wasnt even expecting what happened when you came home. even after it all fell apart in front of my very eyes. i refused to believe that it was all made up on your just couldn't be happening. it was all too real. all the heart to heart talks and all the plans we made. i couldn't begin to wrap my head around the idea that for some reason you were making it all up and this had been nothing more than a game you were playing on me.i just don't understand the reasons why? why would somebody do that? From that point in our relationship. i started lying. not to you. but to my self. you would disappear. for days maybe weeks. and when you came back . it was always the same story. about how much you loved me and how you wanted everything we talked about and planned. but you weren't being for real it was just because you knew that i had fallen in love with you and was still wanting to make it all work. you knew what I wanted to hear and you would beg and plead with me to just believe you and trust you. so i would lie to myself again.
i cant even remember what year that was , but i just know that lying to myself and believing in what you were saying became a never ending habit. and its done more harm to me than any drug ever has.
i feel like such a fool. i gave you nothing but love and forgiveness time after time. right up until the very last time we spent time together. you convinced me that it was finally "US" and Thanksgiving day would forever have a new meaning between you and I. and again we made plans to leave and get a fresh start just like we had talked about for so many years before. then you came to me in tears talking about you had to leave immediately and just wanted to leave. we talked and cried but you agreed that id pull the money together and you wouldn't leave without me for any reason till i got the money . a told you id get it within the week. and you said that worked and it would be our plan. together we came up with the plan and details, when i woke up the next morning you were gone
And since that day I've been falling deeper and deeper into a major depression. each day I'm getting worse. its becoming hard to hide it from the people I'm around at work or friends and family. everyone can see it and there asking me what's going on with me and offering help in anyway i might need..

how can i be heart broken when I've known for years that you weren't going to follow through with anything you tell me? to this very day i still keep lying to myself and cant believe how hurt i am and how fucking tore up i am over you leaving me and running off to go be with somebody else . i knew this was going to happen. and I just lie to myself -
i truly don't think i want to survive this . I've given everything i can. and just to watch you walk away and ghost me. how do you pretend to be in somebody's life for 11 years. and then just leave. without even saying goodbye?
anyway. i guess I'm wasting my breath . your gone and aren't interested in any of this non sense . its just another "me" problem .
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2022.01.20 23:27 blucherspanzers All I know is pain

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2022.01.20 23:27 Ultra_Redlight Pink Teen X Tee's

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2022.01.20 23:27 emehaushs Guys what does it mean when ur crush does this when he sees u in the hallway?

So I have a crush on this boy and I haven’t talked to him yet bc hes quiet and I’m shy ( I wanna talk to him tho I just don’t know what to say) but ppl who know him know that I have a crush on him and even his sister knows so I’m pretty sure he knows too. Also I like stare at him a lot so he must know that I like him. Well any time in the hallway when I see him when’s he like kinda far he’ll be like just looking straight ahead but as soon as he walks by me he puts his face down and like shakes his haiplay with his hair. It’s not like in a negative/avoiding way tho cause he doesn’t like move away from me. He just like covers his face kinda with his hair with his face down when I’m obv near him/in his view. It’s kinda in a cute way ngl it’s cute.
What could this mean and what should I do?
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2022.01.20 23:27 maryupallnight Adding CdC Debit card to PayPal Key - Mastercard - Anyone Having Problems Adding It.

Has anyone encountered adding the CdC debit card to the PayPal Key?
I can enter the info and it looks like it is accepted BUT, I do not receive a confirmation code to enter and when I refresh the payment options the debit card does not show up. I called customer service and they can see the card entered.
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2022.01.20 23:27 xnxjxkxkzkxkzkxk ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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2022.01.20 23:27 raymaeve Last effort colonoscopy

I’ve been having unexplained pain for months now. Countless bloodwork, tests, scans, and now my doctor wants to me to do a colonoscopy and endoscopy. They said it’s the last thing they can do. Every time a result comes back normal I feel so defeated. At this point I feel like no news is worse than bad news. I just want to feel normal again. Whether it’s crohns related, another GI issue, or something else I just want an answer :(
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2022.01.20 23:27 AlexTheLackluster Neither friend nor I can claim the tutorial champion unlock. Anyone know why?

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2022.01.20 23:27 therealJOELBERTW "Time Warp" Vehicle Skin
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2022.01.20 23:27 TheDumestBum God of War 2018 Breastplate of the traveler not working

I don't know if I'm just being an idiot or something, but the "protection of the traveler" does not seem to be working. I am playing on the highest difficulty, and was hoping that this breastplate would provide me some one shot protection so I can take on some tougher enemies. However, I can not find any indication of any protective barrier, and I continue to get one-shotted by anything higher than my current level. Is there something I'm missing? Does it not work for specific enemies?
I'm just really confused as to how it's supposed to work and would really appreciate some help. I'm playing on PC, if that's of any importance.
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2022.01.20 23:27 NovaSmokeX I miss it! The struggle was real. 🤣

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2022.01.20 23:27 pepperonilog_stonks As a member of slice gang I’m looking to our slice manufacturers to drop some thin, thick and special ones on cake day. If you can hit that goal could you also add a slice of cake impression along with your usual swag? Slice! Slice! Slice gang!

As a member of slice gang I’m looking to our slice manufacturers to drop some thin, thick and special ones on cake day. If you can hit that goal could you also add a slice of cake impression along with your usual swag? Slice! Slice! Slice gang! submitted by pepperonilog_stonks to Wallstreetsilver [link] [comments]

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2022.01.20 23:27 relaxeverynight_20 [20 mins relax] with rain sounds thunderstorm for sleeping, relaxing, reading

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2022.01.20 23:27 memorial_mike I Just Wanted to Kill Scavs on Interchange
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2022.01.20 23:27 braveheart2019 Blood tests in Ontario

Can you see a doctor on-line (via TELUS Health for example), tell them you are feeling fatigued and get a requisition for a blood test? What if you do this frequently (ex. every couple of months) - are there limits? When I visited the web site of a blood lab, they seemed to imply you just needed to see an on-line provider, get a requisition and then book. I am wondering if there are any restrictions?
Can you get private blood tests in Ontario? What do they cost?
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2022.01.20 23:27 Goop474 My boss's viewing is tomorrow and I have no idea what to wear.

Hello, I work at FedEx and my boss's funeral is late tomorrow evening. I get out of work very late, I will barely make it. Going home is not an option. Some people told me just to show up in my FedEx uniform claiming "The family will know who you are and why you're there and they'll appreciate you coming right after work." Is that true? If not, what does one usually wear? I am in my mid 20's.
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