2022.01.19 07:47 Soft-Clue-6345 How can someone make their boring life more interesting, I have drawn all of my life, tried dancing, even learning a language but that bores me to tears, I want something new, cheap of free because I struggle financially atm, what advice can yall give? How can I stop hating guys due to abuse?
I seem to fail at most of my hobbies, I drew all of my life but that no longer makes me happy since I never got good at it, I want to socialize more but I was never good at it and covid kills people over here so I have to stay home. I want to meet new people at uni but I am not on rent with other students and I don't know many people from my city. I want to make new connections and friends but do not know how. Before I went to study a languag and went to a sport but gave up since I failed and the money my family gave was short. Now I don't have money for clubs to go meet people, so what can i do besides drawing, reading a book and watching a movie, I wish I had more people to go to the theatre with me, somehow everyone else is hyper social and is always in a group with 5 people, always knows other people from other classes or groups while I never knew anyone outside of my class and now in uni I don't know anyone else besides my group and only hang out with two girls that are more close to each other than me, since they live together on rent with the other students.
The clubs in uni are few and extremely boring, and even the one that is not boring (video games) I dont know how to even download them on my laptop so i cant concider my self a real gamer girl in order to join. I tried journaling and yoga but nothing helps in making me feel less lonely and horrible. Going out only makes me jealous and sometimes I am bullied on a rare occasion on the bus by either 13 year olds that say that i am ugly or smirk at me, like people did in school or some drunk 50 year old tells me he will F me and stalks me until i lose him, which makes going out bad, but i need to go out and people since i lose my sanity. In high school i had no friend and spent most of my time as if I was mute because no one talked to me and i was bullied, even the guys that didnt bully me refused to drive me home because I am not a h3e. Great. There goes my trust in the male gender. I want to get a driver's license so I wouldn't depend on people with the penises.
There is no point, no matter what I do I am always too annoying, too weird, too hyperactive, too everything and am always in the wrong, and I'd rather not date because guys already hate me for my self and I hate my self because I was told to die and that i am ugly and will die a virgin a bit to omuch and guys always ewwww-ed at me even though I had good hygiene. I want to improve my self but it seems I am always too much or too little for people which made me insecure, but when I share that, I am ''ungrateful'' and ''b8tchy''. I never got to express my emotions in high school due to bullying so now I lash out at good people who didnt do anything to me.
Besides messing me up guys didn't do much, while the h3es got the pink romantic life of dates, sex and relationships, I got told to die and that I am disgusting and will die a virgin and everyone refused to sit next to me and that developed into people pleasing on my part. I want to feel alive and not k999 my self. I want to feel content because vbefore that I was happy with my life, I didn't have a lot but I was happy with what I had. And suddenly some f5cks that had xbox, their dad drove a bmv, and had 2 floor house started making me insecure simply because i was happy with life and while they had 3 times what i had, they werent happy and liked to watch the others suffer.
Like that one popular girl bee queen made fun of everyone's weight, on me she called me anorexic even though she went through a lot of diets, and made fun of any chubby girl calling them trolls. While guys were completely emotionless and were happy when I didn't go to school trips, in reality my family couldn't afford to go to other countries and were happy that I wasn't there, and when I could afford to go to italy for like 5 days they mumbled and grumbled and whined....even though their own families could afford the same vacation three times, and then posted a lot of pictures how they went to italy, but apperently the poor girl that could not afford it and had a mother with cancer and eating disorder and developed low self esteem due to the sheer amount of abuse that they thought was a game or a joke and it turned into s88cidal thoughts, was fun, just like my tears, anger and helplessness and I eventually accepted it and even when I was a dead horse, they still kicked me. I associate gym and football with abuse and make up and girly things with abuse but it is a lot more easy to turn my self into a h3e and be feminine than to ever like football or the gym.
I never had any opinion but my bullies changed me, made me more hateful and made me hate things like make up, that i never had any opinion or interest in. When I was small these types of football boys played with me, even though I had 4 left legs and sucked, but at least they didn't make fun of me and told me to die when I was 9, and then suddenly in middle and high school, my tomboyish interests are only for ''male attention'' and surely the h3es that put a lot of make up and scanty clothes and pressed their boobs to the guys and chose what kind of lipstick would be best to kiss with, didnt. All of my interests cure my loneliness and whether I watch iron man or the teenage mutant ninja turtles doesn't have anything to impress a guy with. Watching sports is not about gender either way since both men and women can play volleyball but since I associate sports with abuse, I hate them, especially football (european) The last time I shared that I got really agressive responses, like - probably 2 boys bullied her and she is just a hateful B8tch, no 8 people bullied me, stalked me and hit me with food and books daily and told me to die. Every single day.
Why don't you try having 7 people surround you or walk after you to see where you live and make fun of you as you walk home or laugh or go to the girls's changing room to call you tr78svestite and throw books at you? And made fun of me and ruined my jacket and bag. I am tired of people minimizing everything when I ever try to express how hurt I was when I hid it out of shame. I am tired. i don't know how am I supposed to have sex with those with the penises, if all I am going to be told is that I am too much this or that, better get a dildo and forget them since they are emotionless. You can only read so many self improvement books before you burn out. I am tired and no longer want a boyfriend because as everyoen says I am most likely an ugly t8mor and I am tired of improving my self. It looks like I do everything wrong in life and am tired of those girls that get everything given to them in life. I am not bitter, just exhausted, and the whole - I am sorry, I can't imagine what you are going through - makes me feel worse. Usually people who say that were popular in school and had everything given to them on a silver platter. I am not hateful and it was my life goal to make people happy but I can't even make my self happy. The bullies won and I didn't even report them out of fear and high su88cidal thoughts at the age of 16, even their voice made me tremble. I can't help but wonder why was I hated simply from suffering from anxiety and lacking eye contact and finding it hard to talk and make friends, I did want to befriend people but they always thought I was a loser or too dumb for them.
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2022.01.19 07:47 arunavakun "Miss KUROITSU from the Monster Development Department" episode 3 is scheduled to air January 29.
2022.01.19 07:47 Pokemorphic I wanted to make an outfit that fit into my Shadowbringers playthrough. Fallen Angel.
2022.01.19 07:47 expub1234 Covid Anxiety
I just needed to take a second and point out how all of this hits so different when you’ve lost someone to it. I have worked in retail/food service since before the pandemic, I came back the day we opened back up after quarantine and have worked ever since and haven’t gotten sick yet. I took precautions, vaccines, masks, etc. I was always more concerned for my family than anything, I never really got too worried. Then about 4 months ago we lost my aunt after she had been on a ventilator for a week. It was very difficult and eye opening, especially for her daughter who had to make all the final decisions. For a while after I went into a bigger panic about everything, and more recently have started to calm down a bit. Still concerned but realizing that panicking isn’t going to help matters and that it’s not really if you’ll get it anymore it’s just when. You can do everything right and still get it, so it’s a matter of just being prepared and knowing what to look for. Well here we are now almost 3 years into it and my boyfriend tested positive this past weekend and I tested positive yesterday. His symptoms got worse for a few days but he’s doing much better, now I’m having symptoms that he didn’t have. Like the fact that I can’t lay down to sleep because I’m so congested 😫 Most are the same, but he didn’t have congestion/breathing problems, but on the flip side I don’t have a fever like he did. Which I guess I wasn’t as worried for myself getting it seeing what his symptoms were because they lined up so much with omicron. I think it kind of took some of that worry away of it effecting the lungs and breathing as much because he didn’t have anything like that. But now experiencing more of that stuff, it’s like my anxiety of all this is increasing and I hate it so much. All I keep thinking is, these symptoms I’m experiencing, are “mild” compared to what so many have fought and are fighting. Thinking that this is no where near what my aunt experienced is bringing up alot and it just sucks. I’m an over thinker and already deal with anxiety on a daily basis so worrying is nothing new, I just am realizing the difference losing someone to this makes when it comes to trying not to be worried. Now being so paranoid about everything, worried about it getting worse, it’s all so much. I wish we had a better understanding of this mess, I miss not being scared every second of the day.
Just know you’re never alone in this fight ❤️ I’m always sending love to everyone who has lost someone to this nasty virus.
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2022.01.19 07:47 Degenera_Sea The most realistic thing about this game that I HATE...
2022.01.19 07:47 NewsElfForEnterprise Nasdaq is on the brink of plunging into correction territory. Here’s why Wall Street predicts more pain ahead
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2022.01.19 07:47 tunasandwich2009 A.C.E Chan - Summer Rain (orig. Sam Kim) (Our Beloved Summer OST)
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2022.01.19 07:47 AlphaProxima The @hololive_music Twitter account made a small typo leading to the saga of Onikemo PON. Featuring: Fubuki's PON 4-Koma and Korone-syle Mio tweets.
2022.01.19 07:47 8226 chutiyo homophobic meme nahi he
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2022.01.19 07:47 mdfgdfget Very nice book
2022.01.19 07:47 CL5071 Ngannou’s only on creatine 😳
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2022.01.19 07:47 Josefirw Cointelegraph editor-in-chief Kristina Lucrezia Cornèr and Alex Shkor, CEO of DEIP, sat down for an interview to discuss decentralized media. Topics included why we should build excellent communities, how to produce more trustworthy stuff, and where private and community interests cross.
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2022.01.19 07:47 KyloSmutsig First time setting up my own server. Need some help regarding containing services.
So I set up Pterodactyl last week and it’s been working great. Friends can connect to my game servers with no issue and it’s all around a great experience.
This leads me to today. I figured I would start setting up some more personal services like NextCloud, Jellyfin and some other services.
So I set up a docker environment and started a web server to try it out on a new domain that redirects to the server public IP.
This just takes me to the Pterodactyl panel and I assume it’s because It’s using ports 80 and 443 for HTTP and HTTPS but now I have to figure out how say ptero.mywebsite1.com will go to the pterodactyl panel while jelly.mywebsite2.com will take me to Jellyfin and so on and so forth.
Does anyone have any advice or help they can offer for setting this up?/
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2022.01.19 07:47 stampyPaws My failed foster, adopted this little chipmunk cutie!
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2022.01.19 07:47 burnedalmond Genesect anyone? 2081 3088 5168
2022.01.19 07:47 W4r10rd How to become a chad
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2022.01.19 07:47 Lidongni Counterfeit copies of Deep Sea Adventure on Amazon UK
Just a warning to folks out there. I picked up a copy of Deep Sea Adventure from this Amazon listing https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09HZWT8ZX
Having received the game, its clearly a counterfeit copy as you can see from the images - spelling errors on the box and poor quality components. Other listings on Amazon using the exact same images are probably dodgy too.
Hopefully my reporting of it will lead to Amazon will be taking them down. Hopefully...
submitted by Lidongni to boardgames [link] [comments]
2022.01.19 07:47 CallGirl135 I‘m looking for a good Laptop
2022.01.19 07:47 Golden_Warlock So I listened to the dream episode
So can't go to sleep and decide turn on distractible and saw the dream episode. During the whole thing I start thing of the Two most strong or coherent nightmares I have had. One was reoccurring but not like days or weeks, I'm talking years. Once a year that started when I was probably 4, and finally ended when I was probably 10 or 11. Thing is happened on the same day of the year. Anyway get to that in a sec, the second nightmare was the first time I experienced sleep paralysis.
Nightmare 1 So I start at my house and my parents proposed to go to this sweet ocean side resort. So we go and it went smooth for like the first 1hr into the dream and then it was night during the nightmare. The thing about this resort just about any horror thing you could think of it was thrown into this resort in some way to scare the crap out of me. Throughout the dream my family gets killed off. After the first time having the dream I woke scared out of my mind. Remembered every single detail. Lasted about 2hr that morning I woke up, then that day the next year rolls around. I find myself infront of parents proposing this idea of going to this resort, in the dream I think to myself have we done this before and go through the dream same as before. Anyway year after year I start getting more and more cognitive ability within this nightmare. I start try to force my family to stay home witch fails and they still die. It also gets to the point that I rember where every single horror thing was placed. Like once that I can come up with is Freddy from FNAF was croched behind a massive potted plant and chases me for a good bit. After having this dream year after year it finally stops and all hope is that I don't gotta go through that again.
Nightmare 2 (Not during dream) I go to my aunts to visit and couldn't go to bed and turned on a video about exploring a haunted house. This is honestly probably my worst memory. And in the video this guy finds this strange voodoo instrument thing and pluvked it's string. I turn of the video already creeped out thinking I should not have listened to that. Any I go to bed, and this is not the traditional nightmare and actually call it a rise-mare. When I go to bed all I see is that thing that the guy played for about a minute. Then I wake up, but something is off. Firstly a I'm facing a wall about 12 inches from my face, so can't see anything. Second got my cousin snoring behind me. I go to get out of the bed and can't move at all, can't blink, twitch my toe or finger, anything. I go to call out sor my cousin, nothing no word or sound. This is when I notice my arm is in this small crack between the bed and wall me being unable to see the floor. For some reason my mind goes to that dang thing, instrument, whatever. It feels like it is just barely touching my finger. Then I notice thi absolute dread of something behind me, standing over me, watching me. I try to run scream any thing to move away from the object under the bed and away from the watchful creature at my back. I sit there in that bed in pure terror for hours on end. And suddenly something jumped on my bed. At first I thought that was it I'm dead then I was finally able to move. All that dread and feeling left, and I get up to see my aunt's cat looking at me. I get out of the bed with the lingering thought of this event and go out to the living room just trying to put everything together.
Anyway that's all after watching these two things were basically burning for me to say something making me wide awake. Like 5:40 in the morning and wide awake. But those are the nightmares they are as accurate as I could remember and describe in words. Thanks for reading, if experienced something similar to number two, I'm sorry you had to go through that. For the people who read this and think "I want to exprience that." Please don't wish that upon yourself it's not fun.
P.s. this is first ever posting anything on any platform so let me know if it was to long. Anyway have a great day, and love the podcast.
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2022.01.19 07:47 Tsquare43 [6274 x 4904]USS Covington (PF-56) underway in 1945
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2022.01.19 07:47 mdl8488 Example how predatorial AI gangstalkikg will always make a targeted Individual look suspicious or crazy
I could go walk on a trail and they can raise suspicion or pretend like it's weird I am out in nature .
Seems like no one else who has hiked or walked in the same trails as me ever gets any suspicion raised about them. It's just when a targeted lndividual goes out for a walk then according to the lying predatorial gangstalkers its weird. And they will start making up lies as to why a targeted individual goes out on a walk.
It's what they do and that's why I like to just write these to document .
This is why I miss having a dog to take on walks. I do feel weird going out for walks alone sometimes but I shouldn't feel weird and not care about what the negative people are saying. Having a dog does give me a degree of protection because automatically people can see I am walking my dog and not say too much.
This is why being alone in general is not good and exactly what the predatorial liars want.
I like to document this just to expose the haters and the liars and hope for a world and communities where things such as workplafe mobbing and predatorial gangstalking could not exist
I have come to the conclusion that the only way these lele will ever cease their crimes against humanity activities is if they actually get held accountable for their crimes and have to go in front of a court. Or the only other way I can see them stoping is if they pass away from natural causes .
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2022.01.19 07:47 Teneth12 Tinyman application opt-in?
Hey apparently tinyman decided to release v2 in the middle of the night? I'm trying to connect my wallet and the basic connect works fine but then it asks me for an "Application opt-in". I don't seem to remember this - I know you opt into assets but did we ever opt-in to applications? I know websites can get hacked and front pages set up but i'm just super paranoid cause its crypto. Does someone know about application opt-ins? Tinyman twitter hasn't announced anything yet.
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2022.01.19 07:47 victor_claw2 Krest redraw
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2022.01.19 07:47 topbuzzer My new NFT's on opensea silly 8bit Kitty saw.
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2022.01.19 07:47 Ruyinnu 19 Jan Study, Me, Digital Painting, 2022
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