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Parasoul Casual Edit

2022.01.16 18:42 Wannabbeewriter12 Parasoul Casual Edit

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2022.01.16 18:42 babycarrie00 Anyone else getting this? (Deets in comments)

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2022.01.16 18:42 gunfighteractual Freya's first Snow Day!

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2022.01.16 18:42 chloej_00 Just wanna recommend the As I Am leave-in conditioner. Had 2 bottles of this and love it! Leaves my hair hydrated but never weighed down. Tried so many and this is by far my fave 😊

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2022.01.16 18:42 newgrad19 healthcare mba

Greetings everyone, happy sunday!
I'm currently a physician assistant with a little over one year of experience. Next year I was planning on starting an online MBA. I was hoping that with a masters degree and a busy schedule that some schools would waive the gmat for me. My employer will pay up to6k per year. The reason I want to get an mba is to eventuall into an administrative position in healthcare (within 5-10 yrs fingers crossed), or go into pharma/medical sales if I get burned out working in the hospital.
Recently I got into Western Governors University's online MBA program. I know that it isn't an AACSB accredited school, but do you think that having an mba from a school like western governs university would actually end up hurting me?
Thanks again!
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2022.01.16 18:42 PopeOfPuppers So is matchmaking based on card levels still?

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2022.01.16 18:42 Brilliant_Media_5579 Hail Chungus

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2022.01.16 18:42 MossyRock0817 Sunday Best featuring “Piggy Smalls”

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2022.01.16 18:42 SMOKE_GAS_13 Does snorting dxm get you high

Has anyone does this what’s it like are the doses smaller?
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2022.01.16 18:42 May985 Hello everyone! This is Memory and Sleep survey/activity for a class project. I would really appreciate if you took the time to do it. It will take around 4 minutes. Thank you!

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2022.01.16 18:42 4gigiplease Full Moon: It will be on Monday, January 17, 2022. Any plans for the Full Moon?

Celebrations, activities, rituals, spells.
Pics are welcome too.
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2022.01.16 18:42 amethyx_25 TW Peke J Shirt Gang - saw this the other day

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2022.01.16 18:42 musicsegue618 DAE Feel This?

Very long. This was a stream of consciousness writing exercise:
I like that I’m me when I write.
But the way I write is not very well received by others.
It’s like what I am is boring and doesn’t inspire them.
I want to be able to write the way others write.
But I don’t really want to write that way.
I really just want to be as inspirational as anyone else by just being me.
That my music, the way it’s already written now, impresses and inspires others the way other people being themsevles do.
I want to write the way others write only to have that same acceptance others do.
It’s a horrible conundrum.
I want to be accepted for me.
I feel like an alien sometimes.
That who I am just doesn’t fit with what most people like.
And then I wish I were someone else.
Because if I was someone else I could then not feel horrible for not being me, because I would then be me, and I would be accepted and belong.
So then I try to change myself. But then I feel like shit because I don’t feel like myself.
So then I try to make myself want to be like someone else. But that never works. At the end of the day I still want to be me.
So then I try to will myself to not care about what others think and be me anyways. And that works for a little bit. I can trick myself into not caring what others think. For a day, then a week, then a month, and even months.
But then it always comes back and I feel that same pang of rejection eventually. That it really was all just a ruse and a trick on myself I played so I wouldn’t feel the pain.
So then I feel the pain but then I feel paralyzed by it. I sometimes can’t even lift my arm when I’m so depressed and in so much mental anguish.
So then I tell myself to think of others. Serve others instead, let go of the ego entirely. And for a little bit I can trick myself that that’s enough.
But then I feel the pain of not being myself again. And I push it away because I want to believe that if I serve others and ignore those pangs that’s the higher road and ultimately better for me.
Until it keeps yearning and I can’t ignore it any longer.
So then I go back to being me.
And I realize that being me doesn’t get me popular or create anything that inspires others.
And then I wish to be like others.
So then I try to write like the way others write. I write in their style or with their process but I feel physically sick (lethargic, get dizzy, black out) doing it. And then when a piece written in that style gets more accepted than other stuff I write I feel very angry and hurt and even more rejected.
So then I go back to writing the way I write, and then I hear from others wondering why I’m not writing more in that “other style,” or face rejection again, or just get ignored again. Like my time to shine has passed and is not coming back. And now I feel guiltier because I was once someone and now I’m not.
So I try to immerse myself more in the music everyone is inspired by. That if I try hard enough it will be a part of me like osmosis. I get myself out to shows to hear what’s trending. But then I just get bitter because I don’t feel inspired by it and feel jaded.
So then I keep writing like me. Tell myself it’s good enough to write for myself. Follow what therapists say that if I accept myself enough it won’t matter.
So I close myself off to the world. For a while I’m happy enough in my little bubble. It’s free. I can be me.
But then I feel the need to share it out there. That I have a divine purpose to share my gifts and what I do. I feel empty without sharing it. And we each have a purpose in life.
So I share it. And it gets polite response from my friends and not many other people. Ignored by everyone who’s actually an influence. Or the words “nice” or “good piece.” Politeness. Like I made it a chore for them to listen to my stuff.

So then I go back to the shed and work on my craft because I already know from many cycles that I have no choice but to be me. But everyone compliments on my craft already. The craft isn’t the problem. Though never said explicitly from others, there’s a lack of connection with others in my work.
So I try to work on me more. That if I heal myself more then the music will also come from a place that resonates with others more. So I’ll see a therapist and I’ll run in circles trying to find which trauma is causing me to be fucked up the way a kid plays Wac-a-mole. The right “trauma” always seems elusive. So I’ll eventually see another therapist because it’s going no where and this one will get me to connect with my body more. Which is fine and all, but after months I’ll ask how I find a sense of self confidence and self worth and her answer is always to listen to my body. But my body doesn’t have the answer. At the end of the day I’m still an oversensitive person who doesn’t radiate confidence or connect the same way other people seem to be able to do. So then I’ll go to a therapy group where I learn many skills, skills I already know how to use. But while they teach me how to minimize negative behaviors, they never teach me how to be wired like everyone else, only how to act like someone who is. So at the end of the day even though I’m acting like I’m everyone else, it still feels phony because a significant part of my wiring is nonexistent. And then I’ll eventually see another therapist who’s solution is to always just simply accept it. But acceptance leads me down to the same rabbit hole over and over again. Being me versus the need to belong with others.
And in the meantime I don’t write much music because I’m so obsessed with healing and getting better. And I see my peers writing music and accomplishing great musical feats. Getting the jobs or work I always dreamed of getting. While I’m stuck circling around in my own mental shit. So eventually I give up trying to work on “me” because I just want to work on my craft again.
And at first I feel relief because finally I’m doing something I love and not doing something that I didn’t enjoy doing but did it in desperate hope of getting “better” and making my music better. And I enjoy the process of making music.
But then I feel bitter for wasting all that time when I could have (should have) been where my peers are now. All that time for something that didn’t even work. Though from the way my work was received in the past I don’t know if I would have reached those same heights.
So then I be me and write like me. And again try to tell myself it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks until my brain can’t stand it, and then hate myself. Until I’m sick of hating myself and go back to being me. Until I feel the pain of rejection again and realize I’m trapped in this mind and hate myself for it. Until I go back to “accepting” me.
submitted by musicsegue618 to BorderlinePDisorder [link] [comments]


2022.01.16 18:42 joyousoutfield09 Let us exploit you

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2022.01.16 18:42 overhollowhills Best android camera/editor apps for macro photography?

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2022.01.16 18:42 lololaurent STBXH Porn Addict

My STBXH has a porn and sex addiction and I am worried for my girls. They are 6 and 1. I found decades of porn on his laptop and phone. Like before we were married to recently. We’ve been together 13 years. Married almost 6. There’s years worth of chats, webcam services, videos. He doesn’t know I know. But what do I do now? I’ve messaged a lawyer and waiting for her response but it’s a holiday weekend. I’m not sure how bad the situation is and I didn’t see anything regarding kids but I can only see so much of his history. I’m filing for divorce asap and want full custody for the sake of my girls. I don’t want them to be exposed to his double life in any shape or form. Will all of this be considered for custody?
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2022.01.16 18:42 Bgdb_rsbtrtr Aus aktuellem Anlass: Wird Benjamin von Stuckrad-Barre auf dem neuen KIZ Album vertreten seine oder nicht?

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2022.01.16 18:42 Huge-Historian-7745 Sofia vegara and her sexy feet

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2022.01.16 18:42 snkde BAFX OBD2 Scanner & Fault Code Reader Scan Tool @ Amazon $13.84 free shipping w prime $13.84

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2022.01.16 18:42 Unlucky-Ad-946 19 M I really need to suck a dick and fuck a guy ASAP

DM me
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2022.01.16 18:42 RushRadar The Elon Musk Cryptocurrency: Dogecoin (2022) • RushRadar

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2022.01.16 18:41 Petrosmine Trading Whitesnake or Left Arm for Cream

This is getting ridiculous
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2022.01.16 18:41 DaveTheBraveEh Heather Thomas Fall Guy promo (1980's)

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2022.01.16 18:41 lIlIlIlIlIlIIIIIlll i’m pretty sure it’s not a lose, the metronettes and cephalops were trash natures and nevermare wasn’t the best either

i’m pretty sure it’s not a lose, the metronettes and cephalops were trash natures and nevermare wasn’t the best either submitted by lIlIlIlIlIlIIIIIlll to LoomianLegacy [link] [comments]


2022.01.16 18:41 Final_Conference7742 I Miss Her Although It's Been Almost Ten Years

TL,Dr: I got dumped for lying to a woman I truly loved. She got married and may not even remember me. I'm still reeling and haven't been able to find love.
Throwaway. Trigger warning. English is my second language. I (M46) have been feeling miserable for almost a decade since my ex left me. I’ve been hiding my pain from my family because they are very triggered and I don't want them to get mad, reach out to her and say something to make things worse. Also, at this point, any possible confrontation will be ridiculous. My family is very standoffish and love to create situations where yelling and screaming are required. Also, I’m sharing this here because my therapist told me it could be a good way to funnel my feelings and to start letting go. Also, I understand I need to learn to forgive myself and to take full responsibility.
I “met” Sarah (F48) back in 2013. I actually met her back in college and had a massive crush on her. I lost sight of her circa 1997, then found her on FB around 2009-2010. I have family members working with the government, plus I’ve worked in the government for years, in and out (important). She posted a photo of an invitation she got to a local government office inauguration. I got an invitation as well (as an employee, she got one as distinguished citizens get one). I had already decided to skip it but when I learned she would be there, I changed my mind. I had a girlfriend at the time and I attended with her (Jane, f34). Jane was more of a friend to me than a girlfriend. She gave herself the title. I wasn’t comfortable with it but I played along because at that time, she covered all living costs at home. I’d been out of a job for almost a year and survived with side gigs. I got a new government job as a pay off for working on campaigns and had just been recently installed. It wasn’t a big job or anything.
I saw Sarah at her table and was impressed because she knew all the who’s who. I won’t lie. I was both impressed and enticed by that. Also, I know she was too high up for me. These are “prestige natives”, or people who own some type of standing even if they aren’t rich. My family doesn’t have that. My dad has a lot of clout and prestige but we never got access to any of it because he left our mom (emotionally when I was a kid, physically when I was a teenager, and legally when I was 23) and kept us very separate from his public life and everything that came with it. We had no exposure to his interviews (not many) or any event where he got promoted or got recognition. It has to do with him thinking my mom is less, yet he married her.
Sarah had all these important people flocking to say high. The rich and VIP ladies didn’t ignore her. I did go and said hello. She still claims she doesn’t remember me, even when we had friends in common back in the 90s. That stung a bit but anyway…I started seeing her right after that. First, to discuss professional and career goals. Then, as friends.
Sarah is very classy. I was surprised to learn she comes from a humble background, like me on my maternal side. She was kind and very easy to talk to. I found a very down to earth woman who had this huge amount of knowledge and was still trying to break into her industry of choice. My first mistake was lying to her about my degree. She is highly educated and for the first time in my life, I felt incredibly self conscious of being a college dropout. Sarah is so charismatic she can look nice even if she’s swearing and telling you off. I began to resent that men kept eyeing her. I slowly fell into a paranoid rabbit hole but didn’t tell her. She was a loving person, my kids loved her, my brother liked her, yet, I felt very betrayed every time she got attention from anyone. I subscribed to the idea that making someone jealous or at least making them feel like they could lose you would bring love.
I had a situation at home. My girlfriend was suspicious and started to question things. It got worse when I suggested we broke up. She said I wanted to get rid of her because I no longer needed her money. I didn’t want to insult her, although I can acknowledge I disrespected her feelings. She didn't agree to a break up and refused to move out. My brother got attached to Sarah’s friendship and urged me to break up with my girlfriend because lying to them both made him feel awkward. I didn’t listen. To complicate matters, my Dad really liked my ex-girlfriend and he warned me. He cheated on my mom, so all that rage came out and we had a huge argument. My father is indifferent to my judgment, so he crapped all over me and crossed boundaries by befriending Sarah during township meetings. It wasn't a flirtatious or creepy thing. I think he wanted to show me he could do whatever he wanted. Then one day, he told me Sarah was too good for me and that he was sorry for my ex-girlfriend for having to sleep next to me. My children disapproved of the situation, especially my eldest (F24).
Sarah had a crush (before we got together) on a guy with huge status in our area. She had met him at a friend's office and everything but when she started dating me, she gave up on him because it didn't seem like he would ask her out. I was very paranoid about this. Also, I was very mistrustful of high ranking men at work, near my love interests or socially in general. This was one of the things that kept me at ease with Jane, my ex. She never caused me any trouble, never made me jealous and never yelled at me.
I met Sara's family. They were very welcoming. She lived in a surprisingly modest home. Her family are very simple people. They shared living space at a duplex ( her great grandparents down to all younger generations). She and her kids lived in a very small house in the same yard. The rules were that we wouldn't have sex at her place out if respect for her family, so staying over wasn’t an option. I did the same and told her my kids were always at home. She accepted it.
I spent the best weekends of my life at her place. Saturdays at her house were enormously gratifying. Sarah and her family were welcoming and funny. I took part in BBQs and birthday parties. I loved afternoons in her company. She was very dutiful and emotionally supportive. Jane used to go see her own family on Saturdays. I never went because of tensions between me and her family.
Sarah and I had sex in motels. Sex with her was wild with a lot of screaming and physical satisfaction. Tbh, she enjoyed it so much I got super into being a good lover for her. I went back home one day and Jane noticed a small bruise on my back. She didn't believe my story, so she gave me love bites all over. Sarah saw one on my arm and things started to change. She started asking questions. Sarah became quiet and a little distant. I was worried when she stopped calling but was happy that she was so jealous because in my mind, her jealousy would keep her attached.
Things came back to normal. Sarah and spent one full day off at a motel. Then another week, we got to spend a day together just town hopping and sampling restaurants. We used her car, but my brother agreed to pick me up midway and give me a ride home for an alibi. Sarah and I didn't arrive on time for my brother to take me home. I told her I would be going to visit my sister. My brother’s live-in girlfriend started calling him because he hadn't come home yet. He had to leave on his own after waiting for me for more than an hour. I had Sarah drive me home to my apartment complex, then pull over near the side walk past the entrance. I got out pretty fast and said goodbye. She looked confused. I know she kind of expected me to ask her to come in, but obviously I couldn't. That was when I truly felt bad about it. She looked like I'd kicked her out of somewhere.
Sarah wasn't as perky next time we met. She asked some questions, but I avoided it. We went to her office party, and it turned into a disaster. Her co-workers gave her a lot of attention. I felt invisible. There was one guy in particular who asked me impolite questions about my career background. He knows my father, so he started probing me as to why I didn't follow in his footsteps. Same guy who told Sarah she was their office’s own Jackie Kennedy.
Sarah and I had a huge argument about this. His comments made me feel out of place and judged. To make things worse, her female co-worker announced they would be going out of town for a business trip. Sarah was thrilled because she'd been trying to get her small side business off the ground so this could be an excellent opportunity to gain insight. The argument between us escalated and I said some bad things about other women. Basically, I said I could sleep with any woman, including her friends. I also cracked jokes about her friends' social status and how they could develop a crush on me, even if they were higher up in their careers.
Sarah left for a week and never returned my calls.
I offered an apology, but she said it sounded half ass. She threw herself into her new business and eventually left her job.
Sarah had a very simple taste and I loved it. I appreciated her uncomplicated ways. I'd been trying to start a business, but she was no longer keen or available to put energy into giving me advice. I know understand that she had no obligation, especially after I acted so stupidly. At the time, this made me very angry because it was like having all the opportunities within my reach and not being able to do anything. I'm not good at business at all. I gave up trying years ago.
Sarah found out about Jane. She was hurt and looked drenched. I did the worst thing a person could do when I got caught. I kept lying, and that made it worse for the both of us. I went from denying all ties to Jane to saying she was my ex, to admitting it but claiming we were separated under the same roof. I’m not proud of this.
I think Sara was too hurt and vulnerable to make a decision. I should have been there for her, and I wasn't and I regret it.
We checked into a motel. We were together until Jane started calling me. I had to leave earlier. Sarah showed no emotion. I told her I knew she wanted me to stay longer but I had to go.
We planned for a date to make it up to her. It didn't happen. I had to show up with my kids. She didn't flinch. We never talked about it.
Sarah kept being basically the same person. I would spend time at her house or call her. I only visited her twice after the motel incident.
I spent one more Saturday at her place. We ate takeout, watched Netflix and made plans. She was sunny and smiling when we said our goodbyes. I didn't feel anything was wrong. Only that after that, she ghosted me. She never took my calls. After two weeks, I started getting frantic. I went to her house but her family said she was out. I couldn't find her at her new office. A couple days later my calls went straight to voicemail. We texted and she was dismissive. She was always busy, or had a meeting, or was at lunch. I called her once from my brother's number and she picked up. She didn't sound surprised it was me. I tried everything, from telling her I missed her to making an ass of myself by saying I had something urgent that I needed to say in person. Then I got really mad and said I too had lots of important things to do. Her voice sounded cold and laconic. I could swear she might have been taunting me.
All passwords to the things we shared were changed ( by her). I kept trying for months but she never responded. This was during Fall 2013. I ran into her next summer. I know she saw me but she walked along like she didn't see me. Then I got a scathing email from her. She was rude and cutting and asked me to please redirect my mail because she got two letters from random senders and that her home address wasn't my personal post office. I wrote back apologizing. Those letters were stupid offers from random shops. She also asked me to remove her from my list of contacts. I replied to her but my emails bounced.
I went from denial to anger, then to pain and overanalyzing the whole situation. I went from false hope to despair. I know it sounds silly, but I really hoped she would come back at some point. My friends didn't help. They subscribed to the cruelty causes love narrative. Same friends who shared and encouraged the idea that causing pain would cause someone to get instantly attached because human beings are hunters, and they are instinctively drawn to things that could be taken away.
They didn't help at all. I found out in the worst way possible that she moved on. By New Year's Eve, Sarah posted pictures with romantic captions. It was just her, no one else on the photos, but her friends cheered on so it was obvious that she found someone. I felt so horrible that I closed my Facebook.
I opened a small bar about 15 minutes from my apartment. Jane was very helpful. She was also very patient. I became somewhat of a shell of myself. And I'm sure she knew why but she still stuck around. I learned to appreciate her. The bar made peanuts. We had to close down within 5 months.
My father and I had a verbal confrontation. He became awfully quiet for days but then he picked me up randomly because he wanted to talk. I opened up and told him I was truly miserable. His idea of helping me was DIY shock therapy and it got worse. This was early 2015.
We drove for hours. I thought he just wanted to spend time together. We ended up at a very upscale gated community. You can't see anything beyond the wall and gate. He parked his car and told me off. He called me names and questioned me on why I wanted to make my women look like bottom feeders. He looked her new guy up on Facebook and had me see pictures of them. She's married and her husband is wealthy. I know him because he belongs to my father's career group. My father went from sweet and fatherly to just insulting me. He said he can't be proud of me and said horrible things about my mother. I yelled back so he started dialing Sara's husband and said he would have him either invite us in or come out. I panicked and almost jumped out. My father was so angry he almost said he hated me. We drove back but I didn't speak to him for over a year. I found out Sarah's business is profitable and that she moved her entire family to her new property since her husband's family lives in the same complex. My father kept taunting me that there are three walls with armed guards just in case I wanted to pull a Romeo and show up.
Jane and I broke up by the end of the year. She said that after more than half a decade together, she wanted to live her own life. My family hated her for it, but I understood.
I found a way to get access to Sarah's photos and only stopped watching when I started therapy. I was told this is an addiction and that I need to solve some family wounds. I never thought I was hateful to women. I love my mother but I understand she never took responsibility for her part in the divorce. She resorted to begging tactics and refused to get a job. We lacked financially but she blamed dad and he blamed her. She's had too many pregnancies to be mathematically accurate. I suspect most of the so-called pregnancies were fake. She held these "loses" over dad’s head. We lived our entire childhoods around her rage and victim complex. Dad was no better. He solved his disappointment by punishing us for taking her side and disowning us.
I've had two failed relationships after Sarah and Jane. I gave up trying to get into the business world. I'm living in a different town now to avoid running into any of Sarah's friends who knew about her new relationship and kept a straight face as I poured my heart out to them. I forced myself to stop driving around her old house for old times sake. That house has many good memories that we made together.
My breakup with Jane was uneventful. I wish her the best. She removed my entire family from her fb. I've been seeking new things to explore but I'm avoiding small shops that could remind me of any of my past relationships. I feel ridiculous and humiliated. I know I gave no right to any of it but I can't help my feelings. I know I will never find someone as loving as Sarah. I'm not saying Jane is not a good woman or that she didn't deserve different. In all honesty she was very keen on seeing me run for public office (based on my father's contacts). That's not my reality. I don't have a track record. I know it was her dream but maybe she grew out of it. I don't know.
I hope I can get advice on getting out of my emotional pain. Thank you.
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