2022.01.20 21:01 True-Knowledge-4199 hi
2022.01.20 21:01 dy5nomi4 My mother humiliates my relationship in front of people I respect.
So, I met my now boyfriend online in mid 2020, and we bonded very quickly. He lived in an extremely abusive household, and about seven months after we started talking, he let me know that he did not believe he could physically survive for much longer where he was. His living conditions were truly horrific, and he nearly died of heat stroke on multiple occasions. I started to feel very frantic, and every day where he was only grew worse and worse. He had nowhere else to stay. I eventually decided with a heavy weight of dread and disdain around my shoulders that I had to convince my entitled, narcissistic mother to allow him to stay in our house. I felt mortified that circumstance had forced me into such a situation wherein I was at my mother’s mercy. I felt pitiful and obsequious. I had, however done quite a lot for our family that was unnecessary and even inappropriate for a child to be expected to perform. I realize I am extremely young, and most people don’t take teenage relationships very seriously for understandable reasons. However, I have bonded with this person on so many levels that I take very seriously, and he and I have consoled one another through strenuous lows and traumas, developing a mental and emotional connection before placing premature stock into a “relationship.” My mother always tells me that I’m more mature than any adult she knows (typical excuse for psychological enmeshment), yet she treats me as a child whenever it suits her.
My mother ended up permitting him to come here, but not before berating us both over and over and convincing me that my request was dramatically off-putting. She would give many reasons for this, such as that the attic he would sleep in (which, over the sixteen years we have lived in our house, no one has ever wanted to use) could be employed for so many purposes, were he not going to occupy it himself.
My mother ended up using my helplessness greatly to her advantage, and has since taken it upon herself to mortify me at every chance she gets. During one of such times, my mother decided to announce to my uncle (someone I respect, and whose view of me I care about) and to the rest of my family that my boyfriend and I were engaged. My uncle laughed in a way that practically screamed, “kids are so naïve,” and vocalized a sort of teasing “well, congratulations.” I think that ever since then, even since I explained to him that we were not in fact engaged, his respect for me has plummeted. It sounds really meaningless and small, but in that moment, my mother made me feel more uncomfortable and mortified and ridiculed than I have felt in a long time. I think I even cried a little in the bathroom, which is kind of a surprising reaction for me, since I have issues with expressive apathy. I confronted my mother about her inappropriateness later on, after she mocked something in my whole family’s eyes that mattered to me more than anything. She told me I had no right to confront her when I was putting their lives out so tremendously by asking that my boyfriend stay with us. She proceeded to scream-lecture me for a few hours before throwing me out of our house and leaving me alone outside. Sorry for the long post, but I have just been reflecting a lot on 2021 as of late, and that memory somehow really stood out to me. It humiliates me even in retrospect.
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2022.01.20 21:01 SingingSiren21 I'm myoginistic
I wouldn't say I hate them but I dislike them. No women ever meets my standard as a decent human being, I think im above every single one of them and can't stand to be friends with a single one of them. I'm quick to judge women and condem them even for things that arnt nessasarily their fault. I feel disgust at the thought of hanging out with a woman, or doing really anything that involves talking to a women past a professional conversation. I hate myself so much for it but this is one of my truths. And as I think more and more about it, which I've been doing for a good two weeks now, and it's from my mother. She abused me emotionally, physically, and mentally and still torments me. I hate her so so so much and that's branched into a general hatred for all women and it makes me so sad. I want to have girlfriends, girl friends, besties, someone to go get my nails done with, but I can't stand the thought of a women getting personally close with me or me with them. It's so contradictory to be a misogynist woman but.. that's what's going on. What do I do? How do I chance this thought process? I hate that I believe this and behave myself this way but I dont know how to change it. I dont have the money for therapy but I'm trying and doing the best I can.. what more is there?
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2022.01.20 21:01 BrianFlanagan I don't wanna talk Vinyl
I'm clearly an idiot. I keep seeing that "I don't wanna talk" is on the Dreamland album, but that song isn't on the tracklist for any of the Dreamland LPs I've looked at.
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