Advice on my mother

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2021.12.09 04:36 MySecondOpinion Advice on my mother

Hey all,
Sorry for the text dump. Really just need to type this out and get some outside input. My mother is quite the piece of work. She's been extremely active in my life for its entirety (I'm close to 30) and I'm at the point where I believe she is being toxic.
For my entire childhood and teenage years, even into my adulthood, I've always fought with her over things. Little things, big things, doesn't matter. We'd but heads constantly, and she'd always end with her trump card: "I am your mother and I know more than you" and that's that. Even now that I'm an adult, her view is if we're walking and she can see a cliff ahead that I'm not able to see, she will not let me continue to walk towards it. she will do whatever she has to to stop me. I don't know if I disagree with the sentiment, but her methods are where my issues lie (this is a recurring theme).
I know she loves me and I have no doubt that she thinks she has my best interests at heart, but it's gotten to the point recently where she's making my life hell. her and my girlfriend got into a fight about plans for new years. my girlfriend and I just moved in together earlier this year. the plan was after our normal family Christmas celebration, she has a long (10+ year) standing tradition with her friends to go to one of their houses and just hang out for a few days. play games, watch movies, etc and ring in the new year together. her parents were never fans of New years so my girlfriend and her friends made their own tradition. I of course supported that because I know it means a lot to her. would I have loved to spend it with her? yes, but I know that her friends won't always be able to make it happen because lives more people around, things change, what have you. I didn't tell her that for me, new years is a very special time where I don't want to be with anyone else other than those who are most important to me. I get that from my mom because we always have a nice family (her, me, and my dad) party where we watch the ball drop. now, my mom asks my girlfriend while we're down for Thanksgiving (we live several hours drive away) if she's planning on coming down for new years. my girlfriend says no, she has plans with her friends. my mom protests and my girlfriend stands her ground. my mom immediately gets glare-y and silent. she ends up going upstairs and calling me up after a bit basically telling me that her choosing her friends over me is unacceptable. I tell her that I respect her decision and that I support her because her friendships are important to her (this yearly trip is their one real constant where they all are able to see each other). my mom says that because we live together now, things are different and she doesn't get to not have me as a priority anymore (bullshit, my girlfriend loves me fiercely). we shout about it and I leave.
later, I'm helping my girlfriend pack in my room when my mom comes in, closes the door behind her, and says to my girlfriend "I'm very sad that you're not coming for new years." my girlfriend again stands her ground and says that her decision is made and that they'll have to agree to disagree. my mom then says that perhaps my girlfriend doesn't love me as much as my mom originally thought. of course my girlfriend gets defensive and says that she loves me so much. my mom says: then why won't you come down for new years? to which my girlfriend says that my mom is making this about her. my mom presses more and my girlfriend tells her to back off. after a little bit more, my mom leaves. we drive home soon after.
my mom is now demanding an apology from my girlfriend for talking to her like that and disrespecting her in her own house. my girlfriend of course is sorry for losing her temper, but there's a boundary that was crossed and my mom doesn't seem to recognize that. my girlfriend needs to make sure she does, but boundaries don't exist to my mother. she has the Mom Card and that grants her full immunity to them. so now with each passing day, my mom continues to text me telling me that because my girlfriend refuses to apologize (she isn't, she just doesn't want to sit there afterwards and have my mom berate her in her summary of the issue that I know she'll do once she gets the apology), my mom is saying that we moved in too soon and that this spells big problems down the road. she's fully blind to her own actions in cornering my girlfriend and butting into our relationship.
my mom demanded she apologize for speaking to her disrespectfully and for misreading her intentions. I was begging my girlfriend to just apologize for everything and take the full blame and she refused. she was right to refuse. she knows this will happen again. and if she apologies for this, my mom will have further proof that inserting herself into our relationship is ok. and it's absolutely not ok. I don't know how to tell her this because it always feels like she never really hears me. she discounts what I have to say because she assumes she knows more than me.
another example is that my mom is huge into astrology, and when my girlfriend and I were planning a vacation, she said that because mercury was retrograde, we shouldn't travel. neither of us believe in that, of course. and this trip was for my girlfriend's birthday, and because she was sticking to her plan, my mom called her a careless partner for putting me in danger. we ended up moving the trip forward a couple weeks and my mom was appeased. that's been the cycle. do whatever needs to be done to appease my mother. we don't want to live our life by her schedule because she knows more because she's tuned into what mercury is doing.
I've left out a bunch of stuff that gives more context and I'm sorry for that. I just needed to type this all out so that someone could read it. I thank you for reading it all if you did. I know it's long, but family drama usually has a lot of pieces to it.
Please, any advice would be appreciated. thank you.
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2021.12.09 04:36 Commercial_Ad6844 Dares of Eternity “Jackpot”?

When spinning the wheel in DOE, sometimes Xur will announce “Jackpot” when you land on a specific enemy. Along with this, the horse sounds happy when this happens compared to other times when he sounds dissatisfied.
Does anyone know what this means? Does it have any association with the lightning round you can possibly get at the end?
(I’m aware no one really exactly knows yet HOW to get the extra round, so far it seems by chance, but I’m very interested if maybe the “jackpot” has anything to do with it)
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2021.12.09 04:36 Kisele0n Unraid NFS shares disconnect during desktop backup

Hi everybody, I've got a new problem. My Unraid server is using pretty old hardware (Intel Xeon X3450 or something, 12GB memory, 4TB parity, 3/2/2 TB array, 500 GB SSD as cache drive).
Nightly at 1 AM, my Windows desktop runs SyncBackFree to mirror my photos (~35GB, combination of raw and jpg files from over the years). Haven't ever had any issues with that setup.
So here's the problem: I recently set up a kubernetes cluster, and lacking a better idea on what to use for a persistent volume, I enabled NFS on a couple of my Unraid shares and have been using that for a few weeks. I had some issues at first, but once I set up static ports for NFS everything has been working great (stored in a user script, set to run at array start).
Non-unraid portion of the info:
Just this week, I added a zigbee2mqtt deployment to my cluster, using a zigbee USB stick attached to one of the nodes. It seemed to be working great, so I migrated all of my devices over from my previous USB stick.
But every morning, none of my automations had run. When I checked the devices, every single one was marked unavailable, and the zigbee2mqtt web ui was timing out with a blank screen.
So I look at the logs, and for the past few nights, the first device state report after 1:00 AM says that it failed to write the state to the file. Weird.
Back to Unraid: Nothing is scheduled to run on Unraid at 1AM. At 2 AM I run an rclone user script to back my photos up to Backblaze B2 storage, and at 3 AM I back up my docker appdata. But nothing at 1 AM. (Note: unfortunately I rebooted Unraid today so I haven't seen any logs about NFS errors.)
My desktop is running SyncBackFree nightly at 1 AM though. I tried to limit the transfer speed to see if maybe I could prevent it from getting overwhelmed, but that's a paid version feature.
So a couple of questions:

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