2021.12.08 00:19 PurpleTap1180 Long read.
If anyone makes it all the way through this read and their conclusion is to tell me to stop being a neurotic weirdo or to tell me to get my shit together, know that I appreciate you reading and I appreciate the advice. I’ve been wanting to post something like this for a few weeks but things are fluid and this girl is living rent free in my head and I don’t know what to do.
So I’ve (M31) been at my current job for 4 years and I’ve promoted and I’m working a graveyard shift sometimes 7 nights a week. Dating has been hard for two reasons. Besides the obvious reason of not having much time to focus on life because of work, the other reason is that I’m incredibly nervous around potential dates. That’s the real kicker. I haven’t been in a meaningful relationship in 15 years and every relationship since has been few and far between and has fizzled fast because up until about 4 years ago, I was a complete waste. I mean just zero potential. I have a drinking/drug problem that’s resulted in 2 DUI’s, the last one happening in 2017. At this very moment, I’m enrolling in the DUI program to get my license reinstated—I’ve been driving on suspended since 2017 and since I’m at the dmv I have a little time to type this out. So the drug problem is years behind me, but I still consider myself to be an alcoholic. For the past few years my routine has been: go to work, come home, have as many beers as I can fit, sleep, repeat. More on that in a bit.
So I enjoy my job and besides the drivers license and the drinking, I’ve really cleaned up my act. I’ve saved a good bit of money and my confidence is slowly coming back. My relationship with my family and friends is at an all time high and if it weren’t for those two roadblocks I mentioned earlier, I feel like I wouldn’t be posting this at all. But those two roadblocks are huge roadblocks and they’re hurting more than ever because a couple months ago my ass got swept up in a whirlwind.
6 months ago my work hired a supervisor with no experience in my field and we were all a bit surprised that they didn’t promote from within. Anyway, this supervisor (26F) is a transplant from another city who was moved up to our area and once we all saw who she was, the general feeling about her amongst the field was that she was a diversity hire. She’s Latina and in a same sex relationship. Most of my coworkers (80%+) and myself are straight white men. Many of them are older too so I wouldn’t exactly say that progressivism is smiled upon out there with any frequency. Whatever. Her and I hit it off immediately.
There was this weird attraction between us right away. Once her training was done, she came to the off-shift with me and since I’m a quasi-supervisor myself, we spent time together but a strange amount of time together. I didn’t ask for her phone number, she text me out of the blue. Then we started texting with mild frequency. Innocent stuff, emoji heavy. Then she wanted to hang out—her, myself and her girlfriend. Cool, okay. The first night we went out, we went to a brewery and the two of us drank too much. Her girl was the DD and as soon as we got back to their place she takes me upstairs to the guest bedroom and tells me that I have to stay over. She pushed me on the bad and jumps into bed with me and we lock eyes. Nothing happened nothing was said. Her girl walked in and said “what are you doing?!” And I stood up and said that I needed to go home. I put my shoes back on and left, all was good. Then we hung out more and more. Mostly after work, at her place, relaxing and eating and just talking. Nothing else at all. We’ve gone out to eat a few times the three of us, and last week I took just her girlfriend to a Lakers game because she didn’t want to go (doesn’t like crowds). She even brings me food from home when we work together. Literally every time we work together. So everything seems all fine and good.
Nope. I’m catching feelings.
Now, I’m POSITIVE that the reason this is happening is because I haven’t been in a relationship in a while so of course the first girl that shows me any attention, I’m going to react. But there was this attraction to her before we started becoming friends. So within the last few weeks, just before thanksgiving (which I spent with them) the texts became mildly sexual. Nothing crazy, just suggestive I guess. So last week I can’t take it anymore. I tell her, at work, that I have a crush on her and that I need to stop because 1) she’s my direct report (supervisor and all) and 2) she’s already in a relationship. But also that I still want to spend time with her and be her friend because she brings out a lot of good in me. She responds very sweetly and says that it’s her fault for jumping into bed with me that night we went to the brewery. I said that’s not what did it, but ok. What did it was you and who you are — is what I told her. To button it all up, I said “if you’re ever single, look me up.” So we leave it at that.
We hardly talked the entire next week. She was off I worked every day and I went nuts. Whatever I dealt with it. Stopped drinking cold. I’m like two weeks sober, minus an occasional glass of wine with a meal. Started eating better, sleeping better. Started going to the gym again to get my head clear. I feel great, but my head isn’t clear.
Then a few nights ago we’re on shift together again. We work 12’s and for both nights we’re together, she’s by my side. She lays some heavy stuff on me. She first tells me that she’s surprised about how I reacted when I told her that I wanted to be more than friends. She said that a lot of guys wouldn’t have reacted to “no” the way I did. Then she said that I was “dangerous” as in I’m easy to like I guess. Still not sure what she meant by dangerous. Then she said that her and her girl are fighting a lot and she wants her gone and then she told me that she was single. She went into more detail about things that aren’t important to the story. And we had a good conversation. She asked me why I was single, and I told her that I haven’t been heavy into the dating pool with my sporadic hours (only half true) and then she asked me what I saw in her. I told her that she softens my edges. Her voice does something to me. (It does, full stop). Also, I told her that I loved her confidence and they way she carries herself as a leader. I told her I thought she’d make a great mom too. She wants to have a baby; says she’s running out of time and her girl won’t give her one. I think at one point she held back some tears. So did I if I’m being honest. Then she told me she’s had erotic dreams on more than one occasion, starring me ofc. 😎 I digress. I said that no matter what, I didn’t want to come between her and her partner because that would be messed up. She said that wouldn’t happen. And we had a good rest of the shift together and we left it at that. Bath and Body Works had a candle sale that day so the two of us went in our work clothes and bought candles… something I would never do on my own time. But I’m on cloud 9 and confused as hell.
She’s out of town now, back home until Thursday, we’re not really texting all that much right now. Is what it is.
So what do I do next..
My gut says kiss her first chance I get.
Ok, give me your worst people.
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2021.12.08 00:19 SlippersEC Tutorial - Basic Hipwork/Footwork by TakeSomeCrime [Song: Dimmakmmunication Artist: The Bloody Beetroots]
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2021.12.08 00:19 Calm-Maintenance2581 Can i still get into dental school with a C in biology?
Hello so i am a sophomore right now and the first semester has just ended i ended up with an 78 in biology and ochem is not looking too great either hopefully i can get a B in ochem but that’s not looking great also. I had a 4.0 both s semesters freshman year so i’m hoping that’s worth something but i’m just feeling really defeated right now.
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2021.12.08 00:19 alper From angry Adele fans to broken robot vacuums: AWS outage ripples through US
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2021.12.08 00:19 FatMarsBars69 Line Groups chats
2021.12.08 00:19 S-7G Future BTB maps
I honestly really hope for a remake or remix on classic maps like avalanche, containment, waterworks and headlong. Obviously want some originals too but I like for one of these maps to make an appearance as a remake or a spiritual successor to one of them.
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2021.12.08 00:19 SkipHillJr Getting started, stopped with first command
Long time programmer, decided to do some python tutorials.
Installed 3.10 because everybody said don't bother with 2.7, no longer supported (in the default AppData location)
Trying a tutorial about web scraping
Installed requests library
First and only python command, listed in tutorials as a no brainer always works etc
page = requests.get("url")
blows up with 2 pages of error messages, like text --- below
2021.12.08 00:19 AlazmecColonist Posting a meme for every line in the Siege of Mandalore Arc | Day 582
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2021.12.08 00:19 MyNameIsJimJones Breakout INCOMING
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2021.12.08 00:19 Step47_ does she want to go to the pool
girl on first date: we should go to chill in the gym jacuzzi and sauna
me:I'd like that
me(over text, the next day): would you like to go to the jacuzzi sauna pool place idk what it's called
girl:I'd love to, I'm excited
girl:are you sure? it will be cold as it's winter?
me: there is a sauna and hot jaccuzi
girl:ok. I can't wait
girl: we could go somwehere else than the pool?
I've not responded yet.
do I reply with "what's that?" cus it sounds like she's got an idea in mind, this may just be because English isn't her first language though. or is she suggesting to me that she doesn't want to go to the pool anymore? she did before because she suggested it and then sounded excited when I did. for some reason she isn't going to or hasn't yet revealed to me, she has decided she does not want to go to the pool anymore. she's having second thoughts about the nature of the date. Or is she just anxious? and I should comfort her that it's going to be okay?
does she wanna go to the pool or not?
if she's not telling me upfront, if I ask her will she even tell me then? how would I even approach asking her? should I camly but firmly ask a direct question? should I casually mention it? should I give her some warning the questions coming?
ik I'm deeping this lollll
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2021.12.08 00:19 cbest20 By placing bets on the platform, you can receive LUT. The LUT will be sent to your account in real-time according to the mining power. Check my comment section for more information.
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2021.12.08 00:19 VanCologne been letting this match marinate for a while… any good friday pick up lines?
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2021.12.08 00:19 icydata Trocheck extends lead with PPG
2021.12.08 00:19 905shooterkawaiisan Jesse is an addict
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2021.12.08 00:19 Acceptable-Spell-221 Mafia trilogy on ps4
Purchased the physical edition of the trilogy. Supposedly includes the DLCs. Just got past the part where you explain the plan to everyone in the old house. None of the DLCs are showing on map.. anyone know how to activate them?
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2021.12.08 00:19 roymunsonshand Porterhouse in Buenos Aires!
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2021.12.08 00:19 svanapps 'Tremendous Victory' for Man Who Says He Invented Bitcoin
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2021.12.08 00:19 No_Hovercraft_9338 Printing guide pdf for trident. Request for comments or general abuse
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2021.12.08 00:19 desertcliffrose Hoping it's not-a-keloid? LITHA? (5 wks old)
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2021.12.08 00:19 DarkPhoenix986 Help me build/deck out my first eternal!
Just got my first eternal, and selected Taunt 2 aura (over res 4/6, should I have chosen one of these instead?)
Now I'm trying to get gear for him, what gear rolls work with eternals and what don't(ie health, res, etc)?
I'm currently vault level 38.
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2021.12.08 00:19 NeighborhoodNo7398 Brand new STI been to dealer 3 times
Just picked up a 21 STI last week. When I went to pick up the car it threw a code. Don’t know what the exact code was but it had to do with the secondary air pump. The Subaru tech at the dealer took out the pump inspected it, and just assumed it was a fluke. He cleared the code and I took the car home. Fast forward to the next day and it throws a code again. I have it towed to the dealership and they say it’s the same code. They found that water got into the valves where the secondary air pump is and froze. They took apart the pump and and replaced the gaskets and valves. This was over the weekend and they finished today (Tuesday). When I went to pick up the car they brought it into the service center and guess what, same code thrown again. They told me today they were going to go trough the whole thing because they think there is water somewhere else which is making it’s way to the pump. I’m just torn on if I should be really worried. I paid a lot of money for this car and I didn’t want it to have problems right out the gate especially when it has less than 60 miles on it. Have any of you guys ever dealt with this?
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2021.12.08 00:19 Camswor1d Does anyone know why this bet was voided? The Nets covered the spread then it voided out.
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2021.12.08 00:19 Ronnie_Mustang I got so drunk last night.
2021.12.08 00:19 icydata Recap: NYI @ OTT
2021.12.08 00:19 whoamI__Imdontknow OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED I AM BI!! (17, female)
okay like most bi people when tussling with trying to figure out if they ARE attracted to the same sex, I often had this on again off again approach to my sexuality, I would often demean the side of me that even insinuated the fact that I for a fact did like girls convincing myself I was doing it for attention. And I had the same energy even when I was sorta kinda not really talking to a girl online. So I still wasn’t sure, until tonight. Tonight ladies and gents and everyone inbetween, I went to a female weightlifting match and let me tell you. I love girls, they were literally so hot. I cant even explain it to you but it’s something about a fem girl absolutely dominate picking up 140lbs that just confirmed It. And I’m not out in anyway so I couldn’t tell anyone how funny I thought that was so I wanted to come here and at least share that I like girls and boys but right now at least tonight my attention was on the LADIES 💗💙🤍
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