So relatable

2021.12.08 00:50 JoeHeroOfArdania So relatable

So relatable submitted by JoeHeroOfArdania to pokemon [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 hanas_lin Hopewell: For the kiddos (ages 6-10) ‘Skate & Play Night’ THIS Saturday (12/11). $10/resident or $15/non-resident. Register by Friday, 12/10. Link in comments.

Hopewell: For the kiddos (ages 6-10) ‘Skate & Play Night’ THIS Saturday (12/11). $10/resident or $15/non-resident. Register by Friday, 12/10. Link in comments. submitted by hanas_lin to VATriCities [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 nenoyy Won the game, but didn't get the elo.
If u click on scoreboard tab, it says "The scoreboard is currently not available for this match".
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2021.12.08 00:50 spikeiscool2015 I’m on purple

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2021.12.08 00:50 Feisty-Series-6929 Schools list help/gap year?

Hi everyone, I'm looking to add 6-8 more schools to my list but I'm really not sure which tiers of schools I should add. WARS says I can add more category 1's and 2's but my list already seems top heavy. On top of that I'm contemplating a gap year to beef up my research and volunteering numbers. Thoughts on if that's a good idea?
State/Country of Residence: TX
Ties to other States/Regions: IL(undergrad)
URM? (Y/N): N
Year in School: Junior
Undergraduate Major(s)/Minor(s): Biomedical Engineering majoElectrical Engineering minor
Graduate Degrees (if applicable): None
Cumulative GPA: 3.89
Science GPA: 3.95
MCAT Score(s): 524
Research Experience: 2 years in an EChem lab, ~600 hours
Publications/Abstracts/Posters (include how you were credited e.g. first author, second author, etc.): 1 pub, 3rd author, 1 presentation
Clinical Experience (paid or volunteer): 1300 hours as an ED Tech at a busy Trauma 1 ED
Physician Shadowing: 30 hours shadowing Trauma Surgeon
Volunteering: 50 hours as hospital volunteer transporting patients, 100 hours at a food pantry, 50 hours as a mentor for underclassmen(not sure this counts as volunteering)
Other Extracurricular Activities: 500 hours as R&D engineering at a medical device startup, won $10,000 grant, 200 hours as project lead for an engineering project that got 3rd place at Engineering Fair, Tau Beta Pi(Phi Beta Kappa for engineering) VP
Other Employment History: None
Immediate family members in medicine? (Y/N): N
Specialty of Interest (if applicable): EM, Ortho, PM&R
Interest in Primary Care (Y/N): N
Interest in Rural Health (Y/N): Y
Medical School List:
Baylor, UTSW, UT McGovern, UT Dell, UT San Antonio, UTMB, Texas A&M, Texas Tech Lubbock
NYU, Harvard, Duke, Columbia, UMich, Mt. Sinai, Cornell, Case Western, Wisconsin
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2021.12.08 00:50 QueenClaudia1998 Why do I dream about them??

I've dreamed about crushes and people that I miss. But I've also dreamed about people that I don't particularly like or want to see ever again. And after I wake up, I have a lingering feeling like there's unfinished business to take care of with this person. Is this normal??
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2021.12.08 00:50 UnderstandingHot242 A lot of people tell me she was interested… if so why didn’t she take me up on my offer

Met a girl at my retail job about a year ago. Started talking to her and she started joining me on my breaks at work just about everyday we worked together. She immediately caught my interest as in my experience girls who are not interested do not go out of their way to talk to me or take breaks with me
Over the next 6 months i started to get to know her better in time we spent talking on our breaks. These talks would usually end up going 5-15 minutes over our scheduled break time once we got to know each other better.
She then said she was single on valentines day and asked if i gad any plans. Then proceeded to randomly tell me that a few coworkers hit on her but she wasn’t interested. I changed the topic as i felt kinda weird because it felt like she was kinda shy and hitting on me
After about 6 months i finally got up the nerve to ask for her number. She gave it to me with no hesitation. Texted her the next day and we texted back and forth about 6 times until i got distracted and didn’t get back to her until the next day. Texted her the next day and had to go to bed early and left the convo.
The next day I texted her but got no response… thought i was ghosted but then texted her a day or two after and she texted back I then asked her if she wanted to go out on a date to which she said she didn’t think she could because she had a brother with health issues and may me vulnerable to the pandemic. I thought this was her way of rejecting me.
I told her i understood and I wouldn’t talk to her anymore. I understand how awkward it can be to be asked out and I didn’t want her to be un comfterbal. She said I didn’t need to do that as she really enjoyed our relationship. She told me to treat her the same and said a few other things that confirmed she understood I asked her out.
Didn’t talk to her or hear from her until I saw her at work next. I tried to avoid her but that was impossible once she sat down with my on my break. We talked for an hour and the topic of that never came up. I didn’t know where I stood or how she felt about the whole thing. I decided i just needed to get over her
I texted her a few days later and asked her if it was ok if she could not talk to me at work because I needed to get over my feelings for her. I also told her I thought she was a cool person and was my friend, but I just needed some time but id like to remain friends.
She told me that she was into someone else and I tried to convince her to shoot her shot because i thought we were just friends at this point. She agreed to being friends and I thought everything was fine until the next time i saw her she seemed very upset.
Thought we were cool because after I told her she was my friend she told me that she was mine and not to worry about her. I asked her what that mean and she said just not to worry about her and that she understood.
I went up and tried to apologize to her the next time i saw her but she wouldn’t even face me and said she just wanted to be vague.
Tl;dr: met this girl a while ago. Thought she was interested but she wasn’t... now its messing me up in future interactions because now i dont know whats just being friendly and whats interest.
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2021.12.08 00:50 bananadrone Latest High Speed Highway Plans for the Philippines with the Japanese International Cooperation Agency and DPWH

Latest High Speed Highway Plans for the Philippines with the Japanese International Cooperation Agency and DPWH submitted by bananadrone to Philippines [link] [comments]


Thanks for your participation! I've seen Chrishell's new hair color discussed in about five separate posts. We have to play whack-a-mole with them. This is not just us/me complaining, but the people who secretly flag your post for removal. Participate in the community by contributing to conversation that has already been started.
Please use search or sort by "New" prior to posting. We are removing repeat and low effort posts!
Moderator Team
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2021.12.08 00:50 PandaNator4343 How do I export with export 2014/2015 FBX format?

All I can find are links to the paid plugin better FB importer exporter?
Surely there is a free way to do this?
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2021.12.08 00:50 flyingsquirell420 perfect fictional relationship

i’m a 4w5 and idk if i’m the only one like this but i am in love with the fictional character Love Quinn from YOU. i don’t know what it is about her but she is such an emotionally attractive character (she’s so crazy and manipulative it’s sexy😎). i wonder what her enneagram is?
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2021.12.08 00:50 yoohoo723 George’s fur coat (and studio slippers)

After watching (and rewatching) the Get Back doc, I’ve become obsessed with George’s black fur Mary Quant coat. I’ve been looking for a good dupe but haven’t had much luck so far. I’ve seen dupes of John’s rooftop coat, but not George’s (and he wore his for so many years!). Has anyone found any good duplicate GH coats out there? (Preferably faux fur).
Also - probably a harder ask - George’s flowery studio slippers were a multi-scene stealer for me. Anyone find any good dupes out there for those? I’ve seen people comparing them to Uggs, but I don’t think they’re comparable. They seem like they’d be a cozy winter house shoe.
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2021.12.08 00:50 J4SON_T0DD Kinda wanted scarlet spider as a style

Kinda wanted scarlet spider as a style submitted by J4SON_T0DD to FortNiteBR [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 Affectionate-Pen6853 Is bbq allowed as of now and I can I bbq in khor al maqtaa park?

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2021.12.08 00:50 SidekickKO UFC 269: Darrick Minner vs Ryan Hall Prediction

UFC 269: Darrick Minner vs Ryan Hall Prediction submitted by SidekickKO to sportsbetting [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 fabianooomaren131 H

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2021.12.08 00:50 Pac412 Any authentic Arabian food in the burgh?

My friend from Qatar was complaining to me he can't seem to find any authentic Arabian food like he'd get at home. I'm certainly not very well versed in these cuisines so wanted to see if people knew of any places? I know of some Turkish and Afghan restaurants but I really don't think that's what he's looking for.
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2021.12.08 00:50 Lisa-MarieSchneider Alexa Bliss hot A$$ Compilation

Alexa Bliss hot A$$ Compilation submitted by Lisa-MarieSchneider to AlexaBlissTits [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 bearrhino_Brands Puerto Rico to Combat Corruption with Blockchain, Says Government Official

Puerto Rico to Combat Corruption with Blockchain, Says Government Official submitted by bearrhino_Brands to CryptoCurrency [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 joseestaline Such a lovely quote from a lovely young brother

Such a lovely quote from a lovely young brother submitted by joseestaline to Kanye [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 flavoredbinder SCP-4999, “Someone to Watch Over Us”

SCP-4999, “Someone to Watch Over Us” submitted by flavoredbinder to SCP [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 andyytaccnt What did you have/are you having for dinner?

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2021.12.08 00:50 Living-Log-9161 UFT/UFS (5 pages)

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2021.12.08 00:50 vick2djax "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" - Am I overlooking the emotional affair?

I originally posted this in /divorce, but I'm thinking about things and...maybe I'm overlooking the emotional affair I experienced? Story below..
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you"
Another one of those, right? Well, I just joined the club of having that bomb drop in my lap. So, what's my story?
Years ago, I had just turned 30 years old. I had spent the majority of my 20's as a bartender. Not many serious relationships, mostly hung out with friends. Went on plenty of vacations, partied a lot and just enjoyed life. As 30 crept closer, I got worried about my future and decided to go back to school. I told myself, alright, no more dating. It's time to do my self. I went back for computer science.
Well, about 2 months into this process, I met K. She came into the bar to meet me because we had talked on Tinder. I honestly was hesitant to meet her cause her pictures weren't that impressive. But, good GAWD when she stood at the bar my jaw hit the fucking FLOOR. She was GORGEOUS. I was very confident and slightly full of myself, but her beauty had actually reduced me to actually being like no....this girl isn't in my league. She's seen me now, she's done. Well, she ended up sticking around instead...waited till I got off work...we had some drinks...hooked up the first night. Not really that great of a start to a girl that you're gonna marry, right? Well, we just....never left each other's side after that. She had a 3 year old daughter she had 100% custody of. I had never seriously dated a girl with a kid before. I didn't even know exactly what I was doing in this dating situation cause I had just told myself I was gonna do just me...but this was nice. I'll give it a shot and see what happens.
One month into the relationship, I met her daughter as it was the holidays. K was in a situation where she was 21 years old and had moved 2 hours away from her home to go to college while her daughter was home with grandpa. She'd make the drive every weekend to see her. K was also having issues staying current on her rent.
So, I'm Mr. Cool Guy Hero, right? Hey, don't torture yourself and your daughter with this....just move in with me. So, here we are a month into the relationship and K with her 3 year old daughter are sharing my bedroom because I shared a house with 2 other roommates. I eased in as much as I could into the role, but let's be was pretty fast.
I had an epiphany one night as I laid in bed with K as her daughter slept on the mini air mattress on the floor. My eyes busted open in the middle of the night. "Oh my God, I'm marrying this girl, aren't I?"
We met in October, K & her daughter moved in November, and I started back at college at the age of 30. Then, I decided that I'm just gonna ride this wave. In March, I bought a house for us. We got a dog, too. Fuck it. All in, baby.
In June, I took K to the beach and with the amazing beach vacation, I proposed and she said yes. A couple of days later, we got back into town and we scooped up her daughter. Went to a lake nearby at sunset and I asked her daughter if I could be her Daddy. She said yes.
In October, we got married in our backyard at a beautiful wedding with many of our friends and family.
Things were going great, right? Storybook beginning to a beautiful marriage! Well, storm clouds were starting to form. Money. I was a bartender and my money varied. Business had dipped heavily around proposal time and K was between entry level jobs. I was used to being by myself when it came to finances. And, in the interest of being Mr. Everything to K and our daughter, I boxed above my weight class when it came to spending. We both didn't have a good handle on our finances and quickly went over $10k in credit card debt. Previously, I had no debt until after the proposal vacation. We got a family bail out and swore that we weren't gonna end up in that same spot again.
What's the number one reason for divorces? Moneyyyy. I wasn't gonna let that happen to us.
One thing I had also realized about K. She was crazy about me, but she tended to be very negative about life in general. I was the opposite and might have been too positive. I felt like trivial things bothered her a lot more than it should, but I figured she was young and would grow out of it and I would be there for her every step of the way.
But, back on track. Guess what happened right after the wedding? It was time to give our daughter a brother! We're pregnant!! About half way into this process, I felt a dramatic shift in K's attitude. It was pretty much what I had thought was textbook hormonal pregnant mom. EVERYTHING bothered her, she cried easily, she got pissed super fast, random pains, etc. But, I expected this so I was a trooper. Did whatever she asked, was patient with her, just loved her the whole way. We had a few scares with our son when K was pregnant and it was a difficult pregnancy. I took several days off of work to be with K in the hospital throughout the scares and really just tried to do everything I could to be the best husband. I tried anyways. So, fast forward to June...our son is here!!
And, I got a job offer through a friend named L. It was in my career field, my first real bite. I was still a bartender. Thing was, it was entry level and paid almost half of what I was doing with bartending. But, I had a family I was building and had to think long term. The idea was...get in there. Impress everyone and sky is the ceiling. So, I took it. I started the job 2 months after our son came into the world. But, I had to also bartend on the weekends to be able to pay for our stuff. K was stay at home mom now and I also had all of my college classes.
I felt that levels of post partum was kicking in with K, but it was hard to read. Because she struggled with depression and bad mental health. She had a history of some self abuse and was in some abusive relationships. She tended to always find things that were wrong and would get irritable very easily about things and had very thin patience when it came to our daughter. Who, sometimes was a handful to deal with, but at this point she was about 5 years old so I figured that came with it. K was very short tempered and again was typically negative about things.
K also had extremeeeeee anxiety and it tended to prevent us from doing a lot of things. If I had friends over for a BBQ or something, K would tend to go back to the bedroom and disappear while she encouraged me to hang out and have fun. She was very introverted. She'd get bad migraines as well and occasionally would faint randomly. There was once she fainted in the shower and gave herself a black eye. I constantly hounded her to get help, but she stopped trying to get help. We went a few times for some cat scans and such and it didn't show anything. So, she felt no need to try after that and didn't really seem to want to confront her health problems despite the fact that she had a brief bout with cancer before she met me. Which she had removed.
K also had a demon in the closet of how much she hated her step mom, who's a narcissist. She eventually stopped talking to her during our marriage because of how much anxiety it gave her. She hated her.
Anyways, while K was at home being mommy to our son, I was working 2 jobs and taking 4 classes.
It was tough. We fought constantly about money. We tried keeping a tight budget, but we often operated in the negative despite my efforts. We were a new family and didn't have a good hold of money. Between both jobs, I was maybe bringing in $45k to support our family of 4. Almost every fight we had, it was about money. About not being able to afford things we wanted, not being able to do things we wanted, not being able to move to new places. I took out max student loans to keep us afloat and make sure everything was paid.
Okay, backing up. I say we got frustrated because we couldn't do those things. I say we, because I always operated as "we". But, in hindsight, this wasn't we. It was her. She wanted all of those things and would get mad frequently. She felt mixed sharing those frustrations with me, because she knew that I was working hard. So, she'd get irritated to be irritated. I would occasionally be like, man that sucks but....I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Because I was taking care of us and I was confident in my skills and work ethic. I felt we were in the genesis of building our family. So, sacrifices are likely to be made. I always had talents and work ethic. But, my family gave me that special fuel to succeed. I was so proud to be husband and father and I was NOT gonna let them down.
I succeeded at my new job early. I impressed very quickly and again, boxed well above my weight class. It was then put in my ear that, hey.....when do you get that bachelor's degree? Well, when you get it...we'll pay you what you deserve for your talent level. Double salary. Oh shit. Remember how K and I constantly fought about our finances? I was worried. I was worried it was gonna end us. Here's my way to fix the problem so we can just be a happy family. But, there's a problem...I still got a lot of school left.
So, what's the max amount of classes I can take at a time? 18 hours which is 6 classes? Done. If I took 18 hours of classes in spring, summer, and fall, I would be graduating that year just in time for Christmas. So, I signed up and continued to kick ass at my new job. I had to quit my bartending job because there wasn't enough time in the world. This also was another kick to the nuts in the finances. BUT, I had our way out. I had the ring, I just needed to hike to Mordor and drop it in that damn volcano. And motherFUCKER I'm gonna do it! If I DON'T succeed, then we will be in financial ruin and I will probably lose my marriage. I've also got 2 kids to feed now, too and one is a baby. I HAVE TO DO THIS.
So, I did. Also, COVID hit, too. So, I became a remote worker as a result. Which helped because my classes were all virtual. But, a new problem formed that went unnoticed by me for a long time. I had given myself so much to work & school that there wasn't a lot left of me to give to my wife after I gave energy to the kids. One thing I had promised her in our wedding vows was that....K, I will make sure that you never feel like a single parent ever again.
Well, guess what. K was feeling like a single parent again. Because I became a body at the house that was always on the computer. My typical day was to wake up around 7 AM. Start work. Get done around 4 PM. Help with the kids till 5 PM. Sometimes be able to sit down for dinner, sometimes not because I usually had a Zoom meeting for my classes around 5 or 6 PM. Get the kids down for bed at 7 PM. Start homework at 8 PM and finish usually after midnight. Then, I had so much homework that my weekends were me locked in the office for 8-10 hours doing homework on both Saturday and Sunday.
I was fucking spent mentally to say the least. K was feeling very neglected and tired of being primarily the one taking care of the kids. I became very blind to it because I had to become workaholic to pull this stuff off. I felt like a robot. I didn't even retain a lot of the information for school because I moved from one assignment to another so fast that I immediately would forget the information a lot of the time. But, I did well with school and had almost all A's & B's.
I want to point out that K again was very easily irritated about almost everything. Extremely short tempered and always was. She
K during this time was again, feeling like a single parent and felt neglected. I was blind to it because of my workload and felt SOOOO empowered by that light at the end of the tunnel to "fix" our marriage. Money. Which I had to have the degree for.
I was working in the living room with my office so I could be around everybody more during my work school hustle. But, it was a little chaotic with K and both kids there. And I was nervous that if I did anything wrong at work, that I could potentially screw up the promotion. Which was stupid, because everybody at work loved me. But, I was like no I gotta be as PROFESSIONAL as POSSIBLE. So, I moved into the side bedroom and the door usually was shut so I could concentrate. That part worked, because I was able to achieve deep concentration with my work very often now. But, I wasn't around my family as much now. Especially cause of homework.
K asked for us to go to counseling to fix our marriage. I felt blindsided. We don't need counseling, we are just in a tough spot and just gotta put the work in because this promotion has been promised to me and THEN once we get that promotion, we can finally start being a family. Also, we couldn't afford the counseling because we were again operating in the negative money wise most of the time. I also was blind and trusted the process of what we were trying to do with me getting that promotion. And marriage is a life long thing, right? This will be the worst period we'll ever be in and then we'll laugh in a couple of years and be like "remember when we were poor? lolz" and we'll be so happy.
However, I started smartening up to how serious her feelings were. So, I thought...shit, we can't wait another 6 months for this promotion. I gotta go out and get that money now. I started applying like fucking crazy. I got a bite. In Denver, Colorado.
Went through the interview process and got far enough into it that we had to be like...oh shit. We might be moving to Colorado!!! What a dream! We live in a southern boring state, so this sounded like a dream. It was also for a lot more money. I tried my freakin' hardest to give that to her in the process. Got to the end of it ANDDDD...they went with the other guy.
K was DEVASTATED. I tried to not let my expectations get toooooo high, so I figured alright. Moving on to the next situation, right? No, K was distraught for a good month or so with depression. I could tell this and I tried to be more aware of my surroundings with her and the kids. During this time, homework was killing me to smithereens because I was in the End Game advanced courses of my degree. I had to start using my PTOs for one day off a week because the weekday nights and entirety of the weekend wasn't enough time for me to finish my homework.
We also started fighting very easily about things because K was tired of being stuck at the house and COVID didn't make things better. We agreed on a very conservative route of not being around people during COVID so that nobody got sick. I didn't see my friends or family for a very long time. Well, her family is a very Republican Go Brandon type of family and didn't believe in that stuff. Her dad got in her ear and now she was very pissed at me that we weren't seeing people even though we both agreed on it prior. After many arguments, we started going to visit her family here and there and even had her best friend over a few times. Not because I was super comfortable with it, and I was a little awkward about it because I felt, AT THE TIME, that we were putting our family at risk health wise (and my mom is very vulnerable with her bad health) and that it wasn't what K and I had agreed to as a team.....but we did it. Because I was trying to compromise and meet her at the middle because I knew that I wasn't very mentally and physically available right now because school and work was whooping my ass. So, I felt like they were mental health wins for her to buy her some happiness until I got my degree in a few months.
I want to also mention that our bedroom was fucking dead as dirt this entire period. It died when she got pregnant. But, I had studied that this is typical to happen after birth and may last a few years. So, I would discuss it with her, but it made her feel uncomfortable, so I stopped. I was fine waiting the long game, I loved her and would wait even if it took 3-4 years for it to come back to her. We had sex in 2020 about...4 or 5 times.
Fast forward to December. I did it. I got my degree.
A couple of months later in March...I got the fucking promotion. We were finally in the green on our finances after 3 long years of struggles!!!
Things were a little bit happier. But, I didn't anticipate how quickly I could shift my gears. K never really wanted to do anything and I would keep getting locked up in personal projects or playing video games while she watched crime docs. It was almost kind of like I couldn't shut my brain off from my college workflow or something? I dunno, lasted maybe 3-4 months and then I felt like I was cooled off and I was ready for us to start making more plans to do fun things we couldn't afford to do before but could now.
In June....K started mentally going radio silent. Significantly more than what she had already been doing. I felt like something was dreadfully wrong. She wouldn't talk to me much. Would need to "get out of the house" and would go park in parking lots for hours at like 9 PM - midnight. This went on for a few days and I was like what the fuuuuuck. She even started trying to have conversations with me about what coparenting would look like. WHAT. She even randomly told me she was bisexual. I didn't really understand what this meant because we were...married?
But, stuff like this continued, her just shutting down and not talking to me. So, I talked.
"K....I feel fucking stupid asking this there somebody else you're talking to?"
"No. There's not anybody else."
But, she kept doing these things and she wouldn't talk to me about what was going on. So, 2 days later....I did what I never did because I trusted her.
I snooped on her Facebook.
I found a guy.
A guy that seemed to either work or live in Europe and they were flirting heavily. My heart rate shot to 200 BPM and I just never felt this level of just shock in my entire life. I was DESTROYED. They moved their chat to Snapchat cause K was "dangerous" when it came to Snapchat. WHAT THE FUCK. Even worse, before they made the move to Snapchat, the motherfucker Facebook stranger even invited K and the kids to come see him in Europe.
She showed zero resistance. And responded with "I've never fallen in love in a foreign country before!". She had prefaced the conversation with how she was getting a divorce. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKKK.
I took pictures and video of the conversation and blew her phone up as she was running an errand. I was ready to fucking walk. I had spent the last week or two destroying myself about what was going on with K and was basically pleading her to tell me what was wrong so I could fix it. I bawled my eyes out almost every day worrying she was leaving me and now....I was ready to fucking walk.
She came home and we sat down. I needed a damn good explanation. She said she was in the wrong. That she shouldn't have done that buuuuuuut that it was really me that put her in that spot mentally to do that. That I made her feel like a single parent and I neglected her and she wanted attention so she got it somewhere else. She also thought that I resented her BIG TIME because I had to work so much. I explained that was NEVER the case, I worked so hard because of my love for her and the kids.
But, I was ready to fucking walk, but I told myself....dude, the kids. Let's hear her out. I asked if she wanted to try to fix this and asked her if she was still in love with me. She said she wants to fix it and she thinks that deep down she is still in love with me.
We enroll in couples counseling immediately. Which, ironically I found out my work took care of the first 10 visits, which I didn't know before. Felt like shit about that, but we started going. She had recently started her first job since getting pregnant, which she later told me was the exit plan she was trying to create. So she could support herself when she left me...
But, what happened with the counseling was one of the happiest points of our marriage. We talked about our love languages and things we both neglected and how much she needed reaffirmation. I explained things about how I never resented her and how I always thought she was always pissed at me because of her lack of physical touch. Which is a lot of my love language. I like hugs and cuddles, and sex is cool, too. It makes me feel like a man and it most importantly..makes me feel loved.
So, we started listening to one another and things were great. Counselor felt like we were one of the few couples that had this. After about 5 or 6 visits, K and I mutually decided that we had this and didn't need our counselor anymore. We started dating one another again.
I really really felt like shit that we didn't go to counseling earlier when she first mentioned it. I just didn't think it was us, I thought it was what we were up against...and I wasn't really familiar with the idea of using counseling...
Also, K started FINALLY taking anti-depressants. The counselor warned me there may be a 2 month period of her adjusting to the meds, if they were gonna work at all. And that happened. K started getting very lethargic and spacey and not really as there. But, that's what I was told would I just supported her and tried to make sure every day she was heard and she was beautiful and she knew how much I loved her. I was gushing about her this whole time after our counseling. Despite this slight downhill bit from her meds, things seemed great and I kept checking in with her and she gave me reaffirmation that things were great.
Then, she started going silent again. Now, she wasn't sure if she was just bisexual. She might be completely gay. She explained to me that she felt like there was something always preventing her from letting go with me. Admittedly, our sex was a little boring but I just thought she was uptight. I enjoyed it and I thought she did, too. Figured maybe she'd ease up with time.
Anyways, she didn't want to bring someone else (a girl) into the marriage and I didn't either. So, I'm like, well one...I support you K. But...what does this mean for us? Are we just best friends and I get intimacy out of obligation and not because you want to or like...what does this mean? What...are we?
I started slipping back into bawling my eyes out at night and she wouldn't talk to me much. Just that she needed time to think. Eventually after a particularly awkward day that lead to me telling her in a huge message just how absolutely in love with her I am in every way in the English dictionary that I could share it, she woke me up in the morning as I was laying next to our son's crib and explained that she was sorry and that I was her person. That we are good.
This lead to the most amazing month of our relationship. As, she started telling me all her sexual fantasies, which were mostly bondage and such. Bought toys and we started doing all kinds of stuff and it was aweeeesome. But, it wasn't the sex that was the best part. It was her finally giving me this trust after she had shut me out for so many years (maybe cause of the past abuse in her life?). We never felt closer than we did. She was also gushing about how happy she was and how happy she is with us.
It felt that my wife had finally arrived.
No longer was she pushing me out. She wasn't shutting down. She wasn't nitpicking everything. She wasn't finding a ton of shit to be upset about. She let me in. And it brought me soooo much joy just to see her smile because she was so happy. This also seemed to time up with her anti-depressants kicking in, so I'm sure maybe that helped. Every day was better than the last one.
She even had the idea of us consolidating our vehicles down to one vehicle, a family van. And getting road bikes so we could be that progressive mini-van+bike family. So, I said fuck yeah and we did it.
It was late October now and we were the happiest we had ever least it seemed that way. Close to Halloween, we hung out with my boss at the local bar while the kids were babysat (because remember, we were finally starting to date again). My boss, L, who originally got me my job and was my closest confidant throughout the whole process and went very very far to help me and always stood up for my name at work to get my that promotion. Great person.
Anyways, we all hung out and I got drunk on accident and I blacked out. K and I almost never drank, so this happened a little easily to me. We just shot pool and hung out with my boss and he gave us a ride back to our house. I felt irritated that I got black out drunk, cause K and I had this buildup of basically some type of sex celebration for her and I at the end of the night and I got drunk and screwed it up.
I was always used to K being very apathetic towards me whenever I needed her emotionally in the past year or so. Like, if I got sick, she'd just be pissed at me because that meant I was leaving her with the kids while I was sick. I woke up the next morning and was awaiting the shaming from her but....she was in a really happy mood. Lovey dovey and tried getting me whatever I needed and etc. Mentioned she promised to grab L some Burger King to pay him back for giving us a ride back to the house and asked if I wanted anything. Food sounded horrible to me, so I declined and she went and she wasn't gone for long.
Anyways, things just after that day. She seemed a little distant to me in a way. Like things were just AMAZING and now they were just kind of there.
I knew for sure about one thing....I always had a suspicion that she would gas light me all the time over the course of our relationship. Thing is, I was so fucking deep in my school and work hustle that I took her for her word that maybe I missed stuff and had a bad memory. But, between this and nitpicking about everything I didn't do right around the house because she had some type of ADHD with how things are supposed to sit around the was so bad that one time our daughter told my mother that "Mommy said Daddy can't do ANYTHING right". it was kind of fucked up.
But anyways we were driving and K was just sitting in the middle lane of a two laner of a road and I just waited for a moment, waited, and she went back into one lane. I was like, hey K are you alright we were just in between both those lanes for like 15 seconds.
"No, I wasn't!"
Uh...yes...yes. You were. I was there in that moment specifically you were.
.....she's gaslighting me. Has she been doing this this whole time? Something...something was off...cause things have been great and now she's going back to this stuff...
A week later, my boss invited us to his house to play poker with him and his buddies and I was a little hesitant to go because a few times in the past when we had gone to things like this...K would get drunk really easily. Which wasn't a big deal, but it was just that K would just kind of be mean to me while she was drunk. Like, you'd think maybe your wife would be a little all over you if she's tipsy, but it's literally like I became invisible. The couple of times in the past it happened, it bothered me a lot and it caused arguments with us. So, I felt hesitant to go because I knew I'd be the unwanted babysitter at the end of it. But, I knew I got drunk not too long ago, so I can't be hypocritical. And, we need to get out more and see friends. We had a long conversation before where I expressed my feelings and she...was both irritated but said she understood and that was fair. But, it was kind of like a child not wanting to eat their vegetables. So, we went.
Annnnd predictably, that's what happened. She was passed out in the bathroom floor of our house when I eventually threw in the white flag for us to go home. But, man, shit felt fucking off. It also seemed like she was a little flirty with my boss, she kept stealing his drink. Which was a little weird, cause they hardly know one another.
So, I fucking did it again. I snooped on her phone.
Except, I didn't really find anything. I saw there was a convo with L, but skipped over it at first. But, I was like sure I'll look at it. Wasn't worried really, because he's like 55 years old, I'm 34, and K is 25. And he's been my mentor and #1 fan in my career and we work closely together every day. But....I notice there's.....a lot of texts. Like, kind of a lot since that night at the bar. I tried looking for anything suspicious and I thought it was weird that she was talking to him the day he invited us over like....I thought it was random he invited us cause I wasn't talking to him. My wife acted surprised that he invited us. Yet....they were talking about it before he texted me.
I did find one thing.
She had started a text convo of checking in with him that morning and told him about our day and how her and I were going to do some stuff with the kids. She joked it would be better with some Jameson. He told her to stop by and grab some and if he's not there that he'll tell her where it's at.
Her: "It's more fun with company"
Him: Heart Emoji
Her: Heart Emoji
What the fuck.
I confront her about this and she explains she didn't want it to seem weird that she befriended my boss so she didn't mention it cause she didn't want it to be weird. I felt some weird feelings about it but....I said okay that's fine he's a great person just don't hide shit from me.
K never made friends the whole 4 years she was down here with me. So, I felt that if she was gonna have a new best friend, then cool if it's one of my best friends. But...just don't know why you'd hide it...
Over the next few weeks, she kept acting more and more and more distant and now we were back in June when I found Facebook guy. I kept trying get info out of her, but she said she was just confused and needed time.
But, to not press her for answers because if I do, she might give me an answer I don't want to hear.
We went out for another date night. Which, unfortunately was the bar again instead of something cool like hiking. Because, now she wants to get out and make friends with people because now she's magically extroverted. Well, I put things aside for a few days so we could have a great date day. But she's just distant...when we get to the bar, I could hardly get conversation out of her.
I joked in my head that if I wasn't married, this would feel like our last date.
She finally opens up and is like, do you think that chick is hot over there? Or that one? Etc. She's checking out other girls. She mentioned the bisexual thing earlier in my story, and honestly it is a fantasy of mine and it would be super hot to get my wife and another girl in bed at the same time....but, just seems dangerous for the marriage and I wouldn't ever want to put that at risk. We also agreed we didn't want another person in the relationship.
"K, why do you keep asking me if I like different girls? Do you want to see me with them or something?"
I had a mixture of a boner and extreme confusing. The extreme confusion took over because...K, that's not what we agreed to...why are you flipping the script again. This pretty much ruined the night and she wouldn't talk to me hardly anymore that night and was pissed that I called it for us to go home at 1 AM because my mom was watching the kids.
The next week, she was more distant and would slip off and go out of the house more. I had a weird feeling, so I'd be like hey are you talking to my boss? Cause you're really happy when we go there but miserable around me. She said hardly at all. Then, as things felt weirder, she mentioned that my boss said that if something happened with K and I, that I could stay with him for a couple of months while K and I tried to figure things out. K was acting like she wanted a separation to figure stuff out.
Somewhere along this way, it changed from the offer of me moving in with him to me or K moving in.
She continued to just shut me out and it created insane amounts of awkwardness at the house.
Finally I was like, K, wtf is going on how long is this going to last? We can't just run away from things and hope they magically get better like...we have to work this out now....or are we done?
She just stared at me and started crying.
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
There it was. We cried, I told her...are we doing this? I think we are....okay well how about we separate and then see how we feel in x amount of time? Okay. Also, can we go to counseling? Okay.
This then changed to her wanting to move out and take my boss up on his offer. I initially told my boss that I would take his offer cause I wanted to make it easy on everybody. But, she said "why would you move out of your house for a couple of months and then come back...cause then I would still need a place to stay?"
"Also, don't get your hopes up about the counseling. Even if the counselor tells us we should do this or that, she doesn't really know us very well. So, I'm probably not gonna do what she tells us to do."
Ok. Fuck. This isn't a short term separation . Well...okay.
I tried being a trooper about all of this. Like, hey, we are going to be best friends still. Maybe we even still have a sex life, let's make this work the best for the kids. Etc etc etc. Like, let's make the best of it.
She moved out a couple of days later in with my boss and they prepped two of his rooms for the kids. He has 3 kids that are all grown up, so it's already ready for a lot of that kind of stuff. But, once K started moving, she just started shutting off to me.
Somewhere along the way, I decided to check her phone records. And realized that when I asked her if she was talking to my boss and she said hardly at all? I found hours of phone calls almost every day for the last couple of weeks.
I've drilled her over and over about like, this is weird. Why are you lying to me? She said it was just to figure out logistics and also just have a someone to vent to. I've also later talked to him about it and he told the same thing and he is that type of person that is basically an ear to everyone. Everybody at work always goes to him about all their problems. He's also been through 2 divorces and was even my ear about a lot of this stuff.
I've confronted both about it and made it as easyyyyy to psychologically possible to tell me that something is going on. But everybody is sticking to their guns that something like that would never be a thing.
I've been going through various stages of mourning with this. I've been a mess. Cried every day, all that kind of stuff. I just hurt.
Now, we are 50/50 coparents and I feel that will work just fine considering the situation. The kids have adapted to both settings really well and they already know and like my boss. But....I fucking hate this. I fucking hate that I'm a 50/50 coparent. I worked my ass off in my greatest life effort to build this life for my family. For K, for the kids. And as soon as we cross the finish line of living fucking hell and K starts her medication after avoiding it for years, untreated...she's gone.
I finally started calling her out on the idea that she picked up on some narcissism from her step-mom and this is basically the biggest low blow you can get her with. I've almost said it in the past, but didn't want to piss off my wife. But...because there's an element of truth to it. I think she did a lot of things wrong to me, and now that I'm outside of the marriage....I can see it more clearly.
But, I also feel like everything is also a misunderstanding because she doesn't really get where I'm coming from. We have 9 years of age difference. She's always had somebody take care of her. It was her dad when she was a teenage mom. Then her first marriage from 18-19 years old. Then, I took care of her when she couldn't make rent at 21 years old and proceeded to be the bread winner for the family and paid for everything.
But, I always said it was we and it was we. She thought I resented her for not working, but I'd tell her she has more important of a job than I do with being our baby's mom. We had conversations where she'd look for a job and I'd be you want to stay home with the baby? She'd say yes. I said we'd have to make some financial sacrifices, she said it was worth it. So, I said ok. I want to give that to you and him then. So, I did.
When I was her age, I lived in a house that had no heating or cooling, had mushrooms growing out of the carpet, and pizza boxes that fixed the broken windows. But, now I'm a 34 year old software engineer with our own house we own. Like...I don't think she understands the workload I had to take to do what I felt like was...saving our family. She's never had to worry about if the lights will turn off or not. I used to have to shower at the gym for 2 months when my water pipes broke and didn't get fixed when I was 23. Like...I think we have that divide.
I wish so bad that I was more hip on counseling and went during the school work hustle year. I wish that I had been more aware of my surroundings and put in extra time with her so that she didn't have that whole year of feeling alone. I felt like I was working myself beyond what I was capable of doing...but I still feel like I should have done more.
But, now her and I are on bad terms after I've been bold enough to mention all of the things she did to me as well. This is after I spent a month beating the shit out of myself for everything that I felt I did wrong. Which is also what I did in June, as well. I've been feeling like I'm not good enough at all and that I'm a failure.
She's impossible to deal with when it comes to conflict resolution. No matter how carefully and peacefully I bring something to the table with her, she always takes everything personal. We couldn't ever work through any conflict. She would always shut down and push me away. Sometimes she'd shut down for more than a day while I ran around picking up the pieces of trying to make her feel better. She believed that it's more than fine to go to bed angry at your spouse, I'm the opposite.
This meant that conflict with us rarely got solved and tended to last a long time. I would try to fix it, I would try to cheer her up, I would endlessly apologize for situations (she rarely did and if she did apologize or acknowledge anything she did wrong...she would apologize to me in a way that was like...a child being forced to eat their vegetables. Never felt very sincere).
It was impossible to make a lot of our longer term plans, because she'd change her mind every couple of months. In a 9 month period, we had decided, for sure, that we were going to 3 different places. Then, she would get upset when 3 months passed by and we hadn't moved yet. But, I was just, we gotta have money.
Well.....we gotta have money to do those things...
I never even remotely thought about cheating on her. Never went to the bar or stayed out late or did things to disrespect her. Never put her down, always was her emotional support.
But I was her emotional support to SUCH a degree that a lot of times I felt like instead of our plane lifting off into the just stayed in the shop for repairs.
But, I wasn't there mentally and emotionally while I was working my full time job that was my first job in my career that I needed to outperform at, while taking 6 classes at a time. I forgot to mention our daughter was also doing homeschool as well.

Part 2 below in the comments..apparently there's a character limit...biggest rant of my life..
submitted by vick2djax to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]

2021.12.08 00:50 lak2158 Virtual Book Club??

Hi all, Is anyone a member of a book club with a focus on self-help / chronic illness that is looking for new members? I'm between book clubs and thought it might be uplifting for me to have monthly, (or every other month, or quarterly) virtual meetups with other positive individuals who are going through it. I've just started into this genre and have just shelved many TBRs on Goodreads. Would love to link up with a diverse, education focused, insightful crew to be able to discuss all of them and keep momentum and meaningfullness high! A group between 5-20 people would be ideal. I'm currently reading Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve by Rosenberg, and just finished (and loved) Why We Sleep by Walker, and Breath by Nestor.
More about me: I'm a mid-thirties occupational therapist in Canada with a POTS-like/MECFS, hEDS suspected mystery illness for the past year. I enjoy baking, international pancakes, being outside as much as possible, yoga, live music, travel (though lately it's the devil), indie cinema, Curb Your Enthusiasm, photography.
submitted by lak2158 to ChronicIllness [link] [comments]