2021.10.21 11:07 NARSAMES Kial... 😒🤔😪
|submitted by NARSAMES to Memeoj [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 Different-Reading562 How to resolve this error ?
|submitted by Different-Reading562 to SimpleMining [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 iron18es Blursed elephant
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2021.10.21 11:07 Hoggy2099 June Smith
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2021.10.21 11:07 justaboywithquestion Throwback to that time when Kanye was the only one vibing out to @theweeknd’s performance.
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2021.10.21 11:07 enen9 Ndonje video ose foto te Brisilda Brahimi? 🤤
2021.10.21 11:07 Confident_Economics6 JP on Robert Greene?
What does Jordan Peterson think about Robert Greene I’ve never heard him talk of him. I feel like there would definitely be some overlap. I specifically want to know what he thinks of books like 48 laws of power.
submitted by Confident_Economics6 to JordanPeterson [link] [comments]
2021.10.21 11:07 eliteprephistory First I say the peekaboo then I attack the hooman vroom!
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2021.10.21 11:07 sienna__luna Planning on paired nostrils for next month, should I get gold, silver or opals?
|submitted by sienna__luna to piercing [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 GrabApprehensive What was your worst financial decision?
2021.10.21 11:07 squidnow_amiibo Embrace the sigma grindset
2021.10.21 11:07 wewerenevermodern ENTPs be like:
2021.10.21 11:07 PixelCherryNinja Running natively on a handheld PC
|submitted by PixelCherryNinja to outriders [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 Purgamentorum How does social democracy necessitate imperialism?
2021.10.21 11:07 awhite88 [General] First Time grower, is the tub ready for fruiting conditions? Planning on casing with coco coir and putting it in a grow tent
2021.10.21 11:07 rlad21 The ABSURDITY that is RFLCT by Valkyrae Blue Light Skincare Scam!
|submitted by rlad21 to GetMoreViewsYT [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 justneedtotalktoyou I love you, idiot.
Last year, when you told me to never contact you again. The first time. I went for a walk. A really long walk. I was staying at my friend's at the time. She didn't know you'd text me to say "never contact me again". It broke me. I walked for hours in the dark. I went to the park and sat on a bench for a while. I wanted to die.
In January, when I started writing my thoughts to you on here, and someone spoke to me...I thought it was you. I cried my fucking eyes out. I couldn't believe it.
In March when I was homeless, I got put up in a hotel by the local housing association. I started getting better. Or so I thought. At the time I was dealing with more than just the situation between you and me. I was still recovering from the trauma of what happened between me and him. I was just relieved to be away from him. I started eating better, I actually slept, I even started doing things, productive things, I was trying to keep my head afloat, anything to keep my mind off the racing thoughts of my past.
In April, when I got my flat, I thought I was better. I wasn't. I was dancing in fields, I was pretending you were with me, I was talking to myself imagining you were there, I was talking to my friends ad if you were the recipient, I still hadn't processed the childhood abuse, and at that time, I needed you, I really needed you.
I'm the summer, when I tried to overcome my fears of going back to my house, I felt a connection with you. I thought I was helping him by being there, but really I needed closure, and I still felt like I needed him somehow. I didn't. It made me worse. I had a panic attack, I literally had a mental breakdown. I saw myself being raped, I felt things touching me, I blacked out a few times, I thought I'd died. I walked with him on the fields, convinced I was already dead. I told him we were in heaven, and we could live forever. I saw two people walking on the field, they waves at me, I waved back and told him they were my parents, I genuinely believed my real parents were dead and had come to collect me. I asked him to walk with me and just keep walking. I stead he walked me back to the house. It felt like he walked me back to hell. I had visions of tird up and being raped. I had visions of him hanging in the garage. I had sensations crawling across my body. I saw myself dead. I saw myself being abused. I saw myself being brainwashed into thinking what was infront of me wasn't real, I saw the reality of what my body was going through, or to what I could feel happening to me. I tried to ring the police, no connection, I rang my parents, they sounded like they were having sex, they weren't...but my mind heard it, my mum kept telling me she was coming, she meant she was coming to get me....I heard it as cumming, over and over again she kept saying it, I was disgusted, I couldn't handle it, I freaked out, they turned up late at night, I didn't dare leave with them, my dad looked like he wanted to rape me, my mum looked like she wanted to kill me, my dad tried to drive me away, I jumped out of the car, I thought he was going to take me somewhere and rape me, I thought my mum was allowing it to happen. They took me to my flat, my mum stayed with me, she acted like she was dying, I couldn't handle it, I stayed up all night pacing the room believing she was going to die if I didn't, it felt like the night was never going to end. 6am rolled around, i needed to escape, she was scaring me, she tried grabbing me, she tried to keep me in the flat, I needed to get out, I thought we were going to die, I stood on the lawn, she screamed at me, I didn't dare go back in, I wet myself from panicking that much, I had visions that I was in an ambulance having a baby and that the baby was going to die if I didn't wake up, I thought I needed to die in this world to wake up in the real world where people were waiting for me, I ran down the street in my nightie asking cars to run me over, I remember wanting to die so much. I ran to the spar, they called my dad, he took me me a hospital, it felt like everyone wanted me dead, the staff, the patients, my dad, the police, I was terrified of them, I tried to escape, my dad fought me into a room, locked me in, it took 4 police and my dad to lock me in, for how little I was at the time I don't don't they could believe my strength, I was anorexic but could hold me own like a brick shit house. I was terrified of my dad, he looked like he wanted to rape me in there. I was terrified. He got a doctor to sedate me, it didn't work quote as they planned, i ended up being sectioned, carted away in a police car and taken to a mental health unit, I got given a room, it was horrific. I could hear someone in there with me, I could hear them breathing on me, I could feel them touching me, I woke up every morning with urine in the corner of the room, I knew I hadn't done it myself, someone was in there with me, I could feel the presence, it was evil, a man, a rapist, a sadist. It took them over a week to move me to a different room, the only thing keeping me going was thoughts of you. I stayed in there for 2 months, the first month was genuinely frightening, I kept having visions, flashbacks, seeing dark figures, flinching, screaming, thinking male staff were going to rape me, thinking female staff were getting off in it, believing everyone wanted me to die in there. I kept my window open every night in case I died so my spirit could go to the clouds, I didn't want to die in there, I didn't want ro be trapped there forever, it was horrifying.
While I was in there, I took up drawing, to keep my mind occupied and to calm me down, I listened to music that reminded me of you, I danced around the hospital garden and shouted at the top of my voice to let my emotions out, I was still suffering and I didn't realise it. I was angry, at you, at him, at them, at everyone.
When I finally got out of hospital, I realised how ill I had been, they put me on medication, I tried again to overcome my fears of going to the house.
I went back to visit him, I helped him clean the house. I had different visions this time, I was being raped in the bathroom, I started to shake, my body went so weak at one point I thought I was going to collapse, I had to keep breathing and telling myself I was just scrubbing the bath and that none of the awful thoughts were real. He asked me to look at a stain on the carpet, he said the instructions on the bottle said "scoop up"....I saw myself dead on the floor with blood pouring out of my head, I looked at him and wondered if he knew what I was seeing, I felt like I was helping him to clean up my own death, get rid of the evidence that he'd killed me, it felt like every room had a version of me that had died in there, and like I had to help him clean it all up, it felt surreal, I could see it everywhere, death, abuse, rape, murder, it was all there with me, do you know what got me through that?....you. I spoke to you in my head, I thought of your face, I heard what the music was saying, and if felt like you were speaking back to me through the music, like you knew I needed you right there and then, it felt like we'd connected in our minds and nothing physical could hurt me as long as you were with me in my mind. You saved me. From having another breakdown. I got through it, I overcame it. It got past it.
It's been a few months that I've been out now, and it's been nearly a year since I broke up with him for the first time. It took me so long to finally see what he was doing to me. It took me so long to finally accept that the best thing to do was to walk away from him. It took me so long to get the horrific memories out of my head that happened in that house. Now I can actually go into my house and feel normal. Now I can finally overcome the thoughts myself and i'm so much stronger for it.
I decided not to push ahead with the counselling for my childhood abuse. It all came full circle for me. The time I spent in hospital was enough therapy for me. It helped me face all of my demons. The memories I had from my childhood all came to haunt me in there. And getting out of that place was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I'd finally faced my memories and had come to terms with what happened to me. I finally felt normal, finally felt free of the anxiety I used to get, finally realised that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't weird, I was abused. And I had finally let it go. It was so much relief.
I'm still struggling though. From everyone else's point of view, I'm doing fine. I'm strong, I'm confident, i'm getting back to my normal bubbly self. I'm more outgoing again, I'm starting back work again soon, I'm looking after my cats, I'm staying positive, I'm planning the next chapter of my life. It all looks good.
But its not is it. It's not all good.
Because I am still heartbroken over you.
You're the only thing I can't get over.
I needed you so much. I felt abandoned. I felt like you didn't care at all. You were cruel to me. You called me a rat. Screamed that I was a cunt. Told me you hated me. Said I was a leech. Told me I was a 3/10. Told me I wasn't athletic enough for you. Told me I would never be good enough for you. Told me I was disgusting. Told me I was never a real friends, just a previous employee.
Do you know how much that hurt?
Do you understand what you did to me?
Do you realise the depth of what I went through last year and this year?
Do you realise that I was weak and vulnerable?
Do you realise that had you told me those things a few weeks before I probably would have killed myself. Because at the time I was actually wanting to die.
Do you realise how much impact you've had on me mentally?
Do you realise that I deserve a fucking apology from you?
I never deserved to be treated the way you treated me.
A sorry excuse for a man.
I was suffering with ptsd. Severely. I was really messed up.
I don't think you quite understand how your silence is still affecting me.
I just want to apologise to you properly. For my behaviour.
I just want a chance to put things right.
I just want a chance to speak to you again and to make things better between us.
I just want to be your friend again.
And yet, as I'm typing this, I wonder why the hell on earth I would want to be friends with you?
Why would I want to still care for someone who almost made me end my life?
Did you know, one time that I had drove to the nature reserve last year, I sat on a bench and contemplated throwing myself off the cliff down into the water. I sat there for 5 minutes taking myself out of it. I left you a voice message, asking how you could do this to me. You'd been cruel to me. I only wanted to say happy Xmas. And you were so fucking cruel. I actually sat there and envisioned myself rolling down the cliff, hitting all the rocks on the way, body mangled at the bottom. Why didn't I do it you ask? Because I love my fucking parents so much that I would never do that to them, I would never leave them childless, that is the kind of pain noone ever gets over, and I didn't want the rest of their lives to be filled with grief and sadness, because they deserve more than that, they deserve to die happy, so I didn't.
Do you realise that your words can be so hurtful? That you can be so cruel? That you never deserved to have me as a friend if you could treat me like that in my time of need? That you're a shit friend if you react the way you did when one of your so called friends is having a really bad time? That you're a fucking wet lettuce and don't deserve to be loved by me?
But that's the problem isn't it. I fucking love you.
I was engaged to him, and I loved you. I was friends with you but he hated you. He forced me to cut you off but I did t want to. He broke me. And then you broke me.
I was already a broken child. I had grown up with a broken mind. I was cracking day by day, until I finally shattered to pieces.
You both ruined me.
You don't deserve me.
You might have issues too, from your reactions I'm guessing you've had childhood traumas too and have some kind of personality disorder as well as anxiety and depression.
That's no excuse.
Just like my behaviour towards you is wrong. And my illness was no excuse.
At least I am dealing with my issues. At least I am doing my best to get better. To change my behaviour.
But you, what are you doing apart from being spiteful?
What are you really doing to help this situation?
Can't you just grow the fuck up, strap on a pair of balls, and have a fucking conversation with me about this you selfish two faced bastard?
Get your head out of your arse and realise that you're not the only one with problems, you're not the only one facing shit every day, you're not the only one hurting, you're not the only one with a life to get on with.
I am trying to get in with my fucking life, and I can't. Because you won't let me. You won't just let me have some closure on this whole situation. You won't just let me talk to you about this and put things right. You won't accept my apologies. You won't hear me out. You won't just go back to talking about normal stuff. You won't even give me a chance.
Well fuck you. You psychopath.
You tell me I'm fucked in the head and am "disgustingly sick"....have you looked at yourself recently and asked yourself why you act the way you do?
Have you acknowledged that you have serious issues?
Have you tried to be a better person and treat people nicer?
Are you going to punish me for the rest of my life so that i never get over this?
Are you going to keep me suffering in silence, pretending to everyone like I'm fine even though I feel numb inside?
Are you going to let me keep putting a smile on even though all I want to do is cry?
Are you going to be that much of a selfish bastard that you're going to leave me in pain for the remainder of this shit fucking life I'm living?
Are you really worth all this pain and suffering I'm going through?
Do you even realise how much I fucking love you? And would do anything for you?
Do you realise that if it came to saving your life I would die for you?
You selfish fucking prick. You have no idea what you're putting me through.
You don't deserve to be loved by me.
And yet I still do.
Will you ever wake up and realise? That you're a fucking idiot?
I love you. You fucking idiot.
You will always have me, I will always be there for you, I will always stand by you, and I will always support you.
No matter how cruel you are to me, I will always love you.
Because I love you for everything that you are. Issues or no issues. I just love the bones of you. You fucking idiot.
I love your soul. I love your mind. I love your face. I love your being.
I just love you.
I love you. Idiot.
submitted by justneedtotalktoyou to unsent [link] [comments]
2021.10.21 11:07 vort1seen Extended pay
I just applied for instacart extended pay because I have been asked to quarantine by my doctor. Does anyone know how long it takes for instacart to reply or receive the money?
submitted by vort1seen to InstacartShoppers [link] [comments]
2021.10.21 11:07 DeadEcho_ PKCS10 key generate in Windows 11
Since IE got killed in Windows 11 there is no any uptodate browser that can generate private key for PKCS10 requests.
Does Microsoft plans to upgrade Edge to be able to do it?
I know there's certificate authorities that have their own application that can do something like that, but there is no solution from Windows side.
submitted by DeadEcho_ to windows [link] [comments]
2021.10.21 11:07 long_soi Mindustry Nova soundtrack?
|submitted by long_soi to Mindustry [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 Immediate_Question99 ❇ BLUE NEO BSC ❇ Stealth Launch ❇ Listed On PancakeSwap ❇ ❇ Liquidity locked ❇
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submitted by Immediate_Question99 to cryptostreetbets [link] [comments]
2021.10.21 11:07 Notriously909sWife California shoppers. Is it me or has the pay been sucking lately?
2021.10.21 11:07 Sokorpe Health Benefits of Pineapple | Sokörpe
|submitted by Sokorpe to Flexitarian_Society [link] [comments]|
2021.10.21 11:07 timlee126 How can I show programs started under Sway in Xmonad, and the other way around?
When running Sway and Xmonad at the same time,
2021.10.21 11:07 cleanuponaisle4 Premium family plan with 2 spots left.
Hello, I bought a premium+family plan on October 1 that my family is not going to use. I have 2 spots open. The membership expires October 1, 2022.
$40 per spot. The plan includes access to "all 5 instruments, access to all famous songs, unlimited playtime and guided lessons."
I will accept BTC, ETH, or venmo. PM if interested.
submitted by cleanuponaisle4 to yousician [link] [comments]